I have lived in two realities most of my life: one – the divine unfettered soul; the other, the ego-identified human. My lived experience has been more in the ego-identified state, while the unfettered Divine has been mostly intuitive. Nonetheless, the unfettered Divine has been a forceful guide in my life.

The unfettered soul is free of ego attachment. I have contemplated this state for decades. As best I can tell, reaching the state of irreversible soul freedom is something that is initiated by the soul, the Divine. Though the build-up can take years – often fraught with great discomfort – it seems that the soul, not the human who yearns to be free, pulls the mysterious “ lever” that finally releases the human of ego attachment.

Because this spiritually-free state guides me, I sometimes view people’s difficulties with what could be called a “Nandaka” consciousness. Nandaka was the sword of the Hindu deity Vishnu. It was the “destroyer of ignorance.” The Nandaka wipes out spiritual ignorance with the swift, decisive strokes of the sharp blade of Truth.

However….

The process of shedding illusion tends to unfold very slowly, not quickly and often with epic amounts of struggle. Rarely is there a momentary flash of truth where the entire consciousness of the person is permanently transformed.

The gap between the attached and untethered is huge when one is in the grips of ego. There is so much sense of loss.

On this subject, I am routinely humbled by my own life experience.

In the last year, our life – my husband’s & mine – has radically shifted in the areas of housing, job and community. Social supports have changed or disappeared with some people passing away. Much of our old life has come undone, fallen away.

Lately, I feel I am in free fall. I crave a safe place to land and remain.

At the same time, the planet is undergoing massive changes and dissolutions with, I sense, much more to come.

Until I reach the free-soul place on all levels, I will still try to cling to what feels like terra firma, despairing when it seems out of reach, passing me by. I live in that gap.