I have not written much the last few months because I haven’t had much to say. There is so much shifting going on – for all of us, no? – that I feel like anything I write pertains to something in the past and I do not yet know what to say about the reality to come.

Here on the Mesa, in the Alchemical Bootcamp, the challenges just keep on coming! Too many to mention, but they seem to permeate many aspects of life infrastructure from food to toilet-ing to climate control. It is bloody cold in this part of the US and we did not weather the winter here last year- we were stuffed in the RV in a couple different places in New Mexico- so we do not know if our infrastructure here on the Mesa is up to the task.

Our RV is not very viable at the moment, b/c unexpected issues with the “baby” vehicle, our truck, sucked up all the resources we hoped to use on the RV. Both the RV and the truck are young machines and my hope was that their “youth” would provide some buffer against repair expenses and inconvenience. Not to be.

So I stare down the prospect of intense cold without the knowledge of how I will survive it. I feel like a Marvel character in this life: how will our hero survive this?

Most people, including me alot of the time, think the real struggle is between me and the elements, between me and the unknown. To be fair, I do feel struggle, so that part feels real, but the struggle is with fear and fearful states of ego/mind. All of this – all of what I am going through- is about lessening the impact of fear on my sense of self, decisions and life. If you look closely, you might see fear at the root of just about every decision and ideation you experience. It might be masked by “socially acceptable,” but underneath it all, it is likely fear. Even if it seems 8 billion other humans accept the fear as real, it does not make it so. Only you decide what you will accept.