A time of reckoning. What does that mean? Not sure. When I first thought about it I saw it as a confrontation, a showdown, like the gunfight at the OK Corral.

Yeah, it feels confrontational, but not in the way I thought and not in the way I expected and not in the way we are taught a showdown is. There’s fear, but no foe. Yes, there is fear, but no foe. I am so used to a foe.
I almost don’t know how to function without one. I definintely don’t know how to have a reckoning without one, even an inner one.
That is part of the challenge. No foe. No me, the fighter, having to boost self, blow up my self esteem, my energy and tackle the fucker.

Taking action. What is the action you need to take? You know what it is. How many layers of fearful denial cloud your knowing?

It’s the icky feelings, the sinking into remembering that cause the cloud. Something hurt. Something hurt me. I don’t even really remember all of it, but it is there. Always pulling me back. Always giving me reasons to stay safe and not, do not, let it happen again. I mean how stupid would I be to let it happen again?

As for not knowing: maybe there was another planet in this solar system at another time. Some have called the planet Tiamat. Some have called it Maldek. I think they are the same.
It was destroyed. It was blown up. I do remember being on the planet as the destruction was on its way. Was it a weapon? A weaponized asteroid? Don’t know. I saw myself standing on a street corner in a Roman-esque type robe talking to a friend. I know her in this life. It was a casual chat. And hell was about to rain down.

Some trusted people I know have said that this planet’s destruction is a big if not the core trauma behind the fears many of us have. How the fuck would I know that? We thought our souls, our spiritual core, would die. We still do.