I recounted in my last post how the practical reasons – yup, the kooky ones – for which I came to this Mesa did not materialize. The San Luis Valley has been known for off-planet connections for hundreds of years. It felt like a good fit.

People tend to believe that outer circumstances create reality. They do not. So in the past couple years when I would tell folks the challenges we were experiencing here, they would usually respond, “Well, why don’t you move?”

That response was depressing. Their (complete) lack of understanding left me feeling more isolated and exhausted.

When I moved here I called this phase the Alchemical Bootcamp. I understood it intuitively. If you have ever had an encounter with true inner alchemy, you might guess that an alchemical bootcamp was going to be a complete ass-kicking ordeal. It was. It still is, though for today the non-stop major crises and breakdown of essential things has quieted. For today.

I wish more people spoke “alchemy.” It would be so nice to talk to others on a level that felt mutual. We need that mind-meld. It would be great for that.

The alchemy is well underway. I could even dare to say I have some experience already under my belt. Dare I say? When you get shredded by life/soul for alchemical purposes, it is hard to be optimistic about anything other than the fact that some other shoe is going to drop any minute.

So, where do I find myself now? No liaising with the star family, at least not now. LIving day to day like I am back country camping – not acceptable. Honestly, I was a pretty good sport about some of it: the composting toilet; showering at the community center; cooking in an RV that had no heat and an abundance of mice. Now, though, it has settled into a way of life since we do not have the many thousands of dollars required to improve the situation. Yeah, this is not gonna fly.

Community? I have met some lovely people here. On the Mesa and off. But they all travel alot and have friends elsewhere (and not on star family craft – that was supposed to be my crowd). So they are mostly gone, having fun elsewhere.

Roger, my buddy on the Mesa, sadly died in March. He is with his own off-planet family now.

Our good neighbor, John, had a sort of stress-induced breakdown a few months ago and tried to destroy a bunch of people’s organizations online, including Vyvyan’s (my husband) who started his organization to help John. We don’t see John anymore.

This high desert stark land has become desolate in many ways. Too many ways.

I do not have enough money to go out to dinner, much less move to another country, but inwardly I’m feeling drawn to move. I noticed last night, my energy is starting to vacate my current life.

It will be interesting to see if things in the outer world shift as I open myself more to a move prospect internally.
Not all the original reasons to stay in Colorado (or in the US) have disappeared, but some of them have.