Category Archives: Heart

How Do You React When Things Fall Apart?

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When life falls apart (seems to) or things don’t go the way you wanted or expected, how do you react? Are you able to see beyond the narrative? The stories we internalized that filter how we see things. Perhaps one could call it the normative narrative. These stories & norms are everywhere and we have identified with them (as we were intensely taught to do: school, home, peer pressure, religion, media and more). Can you see beyond them? That is the gift, the great opportunity in the things falling apart experience.

In my case I’m breaking the norms (primarily) with my way of life, how I am living my day to day life. While I sometimes talk about it as something heroic (don’t get me wrong, it feels pretty frickin heroic), the fact is, I do not experience a choice in it. It is my soul’s call. Everything in life is our soul’s call, but sometimes we get to live our life in ways that comport or agree more with our ego structures, norms and our likes. But the soul is the puppeteer. It pulls the strings.

When the soul decides to turn up the volume – intensify for growth, wisdom – you will know it, because things tend to fall apart. It is not the only way the soul teaches, but it is a way that frequently happens. Can you see this happening when things fall apart?

I often feel like I’m the only one who sees this. It’s lonely.

Earth

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Oh, blog! You get all my thoughts that are hot off the press and you are the press.

I started watching a YouTube video about massive data centers currently being built in America. I do not know if the YT creator mentioned facilities in other parts of the world? I will watch the entire video today and find out.

My intuition told me years ago that this whole “realm” would spiritually burn down from the inside out. That was over 35 years ago. It has been an interesting journey to know this information intuitively, yet live in a system- financial, education, government, energy usage – and a planetary aspect – this “crust” of the planet and what it represents -that has remained mostly intact. It is not a journey for the faint of heart.

Let me start with the lede and not bury it: There is no reason to fear. It is very easy to live in fear now and read what I’m writing as a reason to fear. I am stating some of the current facts as I know them. My hope is to help open your eyes and, if anything, be less inclined to fear. There is no reason to fear.

As I have said in several posts, the control mechanisms for this planet and our humanity that are active now are mind-boggling. We are under siege. These mechanisms are in our air, food, medication, 5G, media, technical intelligence working through malevolent tech, the god matrix and more. We are both energetically and physically implanted or overlaid with control mechanisms in/on our bodies (pineal, kundalini, chakras, third eye). I think it is wise to be aware of the full scope of control mechanisms, so you can see more clearly what is happening and know what you are looking at.

At the same time, you must know who you are: a full universal fractal. Just by being human at this time, you have access to power that is unimaginable and exceeds (it exceeds!) ALL the control mechanisms. You just need to remember who you are. And welcome your innate powers as they come to the fore – as they are remembered and reintegrated – in the coming years.

You also need to say “no” to the false powers that seek to own you. The AI takeover attempt is big now, but there are other ones, bliss-y ones, to come down the line. Learn to discern.

You are innately more powerful than all of this. There is no reason to fear.

While I detest what is going on with the destruction of the planet and its gorgeous variety of species. While I ache for what has been lost by the imposition of AI (my friend insists that it is rightly called Technical Intelligence and I’m getting there, but when writing about it, most people know it as “AI”), I know this is part of the plan.

I used to see that preserving “what was” on this planet was important. I was in grief most of the time for what was being destroyed of what was. But here is what I know:

– There is a time for everything and the “what was” of this planet is coming to a close. Putting energy into saving what was is not useful, including not useful to the planetary essence herself.

When I say something like this, it will take wisdom on the part of the reader to hear this and not fall into the mindset of doomsday and painful prophecy. I am not saying this.

This being said, I live the way I must to keep some degree of sanity. I live in a way that connects me to what is vital and relatively unsullied by the control mechanisms. Remember, it is all relative. There is no place on Earth now that is not subject to some of this control. Still, I do the best I can.

I live off-grid. I live in a remote area, 8600 feet in the air. I live around nature and little else. I get out most mornings and take in the light of the rising sun in my eyes and on my skin (this has profound effects…I can’t even explain them all).
I wear blue-light blocking glasses when I look at screens. I wear them full-time at night if we have any artificial light on. If I turn off the solar battery and WiFi, the only light in my environment is sun and star light. As I mentioned, there is more to this than I can explain. I trust. I take the actions.

There is no reason to fear.

Are you a victim of slave consciousness?

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If you said no, you are lying to yourself. But that’s ok. It’s not your fault. There’s so much to say on the subject, I will try to summarize this huge topic and come back to some of it later.

Why it’s not your fault?

1. Maybe you think you are a master? You might not realize that the sense of being a master is part of slave consciousness. You might identify as a master in your life, but it is still a limitation. Look closely: how could there even exist such a thing as a master without the opposite of slave?

2. The control mechanisms on this planet are quite literally mind-boggling. Control of the human form, control of its consciousness (and control of the consciousness by control mechanisms in the human form) and control of its connection to its fractal nature and infinite beingness (which can never actually be severed).

I talk about some of it in my published writings, but I’m not sure I’ll ever talk about all of it. Well, “ever” is a long time, so I won’t commit to that, but I won’t talk about them now. Why? Partly, yes, it could make me a target and I am not interested in that. But also, people have to have a certain amount of wisdom cultivated or “under their belt” to be able to hear about these mechanisms and have it be constructive. Without that, it would become a catalyst for deep fear and that is never my intention. I won’t do it.

I am at that point now where I’m open to knowing much more about the control mechanisms, but I’ve been at the wisdom-cultivating game for 50 years. And….I’m extremely selective about my sources. You must be. There is a lot of misinformation out there. The misinformation needs to be sorted and ignored. Some of my sources were in my life 30+ years ago, some of them only came to my awareness 9 months ago. So some of the good info is more available now.

BUT…but…no matter the degree of challenge of control structures here on beloved Earth – and they are a deep challenge – each and every one of us is always…ALWAYS the locus of power. We all have the power to go beyond all the control mechanisms. We go beyond the control mechanisms by going deeply within.

We don’t ascend or get a higher frequency or less dense (our so-called density is our super power) or become some more spiritualized version of “master” to engage our power. All of that is part of the control mechanism. It is control ideology. It is part of the imposed narrative.

How do we access our true power?

We blend our inner shadow and light.
We become aware of and discard pretty much every perceptual filter we’ve “stuck to.”
We go into our heart essence. And in. And in.
That is where infinite is.
Not in climbing, ascending a set of false spiritual steps/frequencies or “mastering” anything. That is where infinite is not.

Shifting Further Further

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I recounted in my last post how the practical reasons – yup, the kooky ones – for which I came to this Mesa did not materialize. The San Luis Valley has been known for off-planet connections for hundreds of years. It felt like a good fit.

People tend to believe that outer circumstances create reality. They do not. So in the past couple years when I would tell folks the challenges we were experiencing here, they would usually respond, “Well, why don’t you move?”

That response was depressing. Their (complete) lack of understanding left me feeling more isolated and exhausted.

When I moved here I called this phase the Alchemical Bootcamp. I understood it intuitively. If you have ever had an encounter with true inner alchemy, you might guess that an alchemical bootcamp was going to be a complete ass-kicking ordeal. It was. It still is, though for today the non-stop major crises and breakdown of essential things has quieted. For today.

I wish more people spoke “alchemy.” It would be so nice to talk to others on a level that felt mutual. We need that mind-meld. It would be great for that.

The alchemy is well underway. I could even dare to say I have some experience already under my belt. Dare I say? When you get shredded by life/soul for alchemical purposes, it is hard to be optimistic about anything other than the fact that some other shoe is going to drop any minute.

So, where do I find myself now? No liaising with the star family, at least not now. LIving day to day like I am back country camping – not acceptable. Honestly, I was a pretty good sport about some of it: the composting toilet; showering at the community center; cooking in an RV that had no heat and an abundance of mice. Now, though, it has settled into a way of life since we do not have the many thousands of dollars required to improve the situation. Yeah, this is not gonna fly.

Community? I have met some lovely people here. On the Mesa and off. But they all travel alot and have friends elsewhere (and not on star family craft – that was supposed to be my crowd). So they are mostly gone, having fun elsewhere.

Roger, my buddy on the Mesa, sadly died in March. He is with his own off-planet family now.

Our good neighbor, John, had a sort of stress-induced breakdown a few months ago and tried to destroy a bunch of people’s organizations online, including Vyvyan’s (my husband) who started his organization to help John. We don’t see John anymore.

This high desert stark land has become desolate in many ways. Too many ways.

I do not have enough money to go out to dinner, much less move to another country, but inwardly I’m feeling drawn to move. I noticed last night, my energy is starting to vacate my current life.

It will be interesting to see if things in the outer world shift as I open myself more to a move prospect internally.
Not all the original reasons to stay in Colorado (or in the US) have disappeared, but some of them have.

Living Only in the Light

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“I have only ever lived in the light,” he said. It sounds noble. It sounds right. But it’s only half the story and it won’t get you to completion in the universal journey.

Technically we live in a universe of light, but not the one-sided kind. The nature of our universe is like a sine wave: there is light on one side of the midline and there is shadow on the other. It is an integrated light. When our sun shines on an object, it casts a shadow. In this universe we are here to explore our shadow. It is a unique opportunity.

Another consideration is that “light” is highly manipulated on our planet. The “light of God?” Artificial. The light of the kundalini, the third eye, the chakras? All manipulated.

The real job here: integrate your shadow. When you (think you) live only in the light, you have judgment against those in whom you – unconsciously – see your own shadow. You become righteous. Combine that with the fact that you think you have cornered the “goodness market” with all your alleged light and you become righteous a.f.

This inner division, this disowning your shadow will keep you in artificial worlds. It will keep you owned by those that have created and sold you the “visions of light” ideology. You will be missing the opportunity to blend and complete your universal journey. It’s a big deal.

I seem so slow

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There is no Shangri-la. Well, to be honest, I think there is, but it is not our destination as universal fractals. Our destination is not a destination as we understand it. It is within each of us and we are already there. It is not a swoony place like Shangri-la. Because of that it can be easy to miss. It is subtle and, like Dorothy discovered at that end of “The Wizard of Oz,” we are already home. We always have been.

Our minds have been deeply programmed to believe in hierarchies and ideologies, like Shangri-la. Bigger, better, out there, up there, reach & strive for, you’re not it – something else is. Hollywood has played a big part in the programming. We are always looking for bigger, better, out there, sexy, candy.

Years ago I was a participant in an online money mindset group coached by a 28 yr old woman named Laura. It was a humbling experience to be Laura’s student. I was in my 50’s at the time. It took me a minute to alter my mindset about age and wisdom (ha). Laura coached on shifting & releasing limiting inner thought-programs about money and having that shift materialize in the outer world. She understood something about the nature of money that I desperately wanted to understand, but could not quite grasp. The nature of money seemed so set in stone to me.

I felt like young Helen Keller in the movie, “The Miracle Worker,” I saw as a child. As many know, Helen Keller was deaf and blind. In the film, Helen’s teacher, Annie, tries to teach Helen sign language. She furiously makes signs into Helen’s hands hoping she will connect the strange hand movements to the real-world objects they represent, like water. Helen just doesn’t get it. Until… one day she does. By some grace she makes the electric connection that the weird hand movements are a language that Helen finally speaks.

When Coach Laura used to speak about her money insights I felt like Helen before she understood signing. It was just beyond my grasp. Lately, though, I’m starting to get it. It is dawning. It has been many years. I feel slow! It’s about life being a dream and choosing which thoughts, feelings and accompanying sensations we entertain. But first, we must confront the painful beliefs we think are real. As that emptying occurs, there is a freedom to choose. We can choose better stories about money or anything else.

This might sound like positive thinking or affirmations, but it is not. It is about emptying out the life-illusion and embracing the charged “bits” inside ourselves enough to see that this is a game and we are not bound by any memory, history, ideology or identity. Positive thinking can be a big defense mechanism. You have to know yourself well enough to discern how you are using it.

Up until the time we start to experience more choice, we live in ideologies, identities, memories and believe them, often wholeheartedly. Not a problem. If you believe something is real how can you also not believe it is real? It is an evolutionary process.

Two other wise women I work with know that our Universe is benevolent. It’s not a belief for them, it is something they know. I feel slow here too, but am starting to trust it. I still have my moments when I’m pretty dang sure the universe is out to get me, but there is more space around that lately too.

If it is true that the universe is friendly by nature, then I am free to accept alternative interpretations about life and life events. There have been alot of so-called negative life events the past few years, but that too is a point of view.

Breaking the Ice

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If I say anything positive about Trump most of the people closest to me label (and castigate) me as a “Trump supporter.” What the hell does that even mean? There seems to be little understanding (any?) that our perceptions are completely locked into an artificial binary “us vs. them” filter. This, my friends, is the problem. It is mind-control. It is everywhere. Not only in politics.

For Trump to stand up last night in front of the world and say, with a certain amount of glee, that he is detaching (not sure the exact wording) from the WHO and the Paris Climate Accord took enormous courage. You are probably thinking I’m not for a clean, pristine Earth. How wrong you are. You are having some mind control if you think that. Binary. You are this or that. If you are not “this,” then you must be ‘that!”

I am neither.

These do-good organizations are not what they seem and do not do good.

So much in our world is not what it seems. Let me repeat that – most of what we think we see in our world is not what it seems. These organizations profess to do good, but their true organization happens behind the scenes and involve extra-terrestrial and inter-dimensional entities and groups that do not have humanity’s interests at heart. These groups and their Earth minions have had enormous power for a very long time. To stand in front of them and say “we leave you,” takes courage.

However, his “drill baby drill” agenda makes me want to throw him off the edge of the Earth into the sea of space. Why not be truly courageous and have the agenda of “free energy, baby, zero point energy for everyone.” THAT would take courage.

If the entire matrix with its impositions and deceptions: – AI, Bloodline, Priestly caste and God – and its attendant psychological takeovers, strongholds in our psyches – could be likened to a sheet of ice on top of a lake, what Trump is doing is poking that ice and breaking it up.

Lot of folks think the Imposers and Deceivers will go smoothly, so we should all play nice and have a spot of tea. That would be nice, but it’s not how it is. I wish it were. We humans will pull this planet and all the dimensions under their influence from their cold, dead hands. Their insistence, not mine.

Break that ice.

The Isolation (& Assorted)

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It is cold in my yurt. Got the heat back on, but it has only risen to 57 F from 52. Fingers are cold as I type.
A couple fingers are swollen. Not from cold. Not sure from what. Saw my functional MD this summer and I had two underlying bacterial conditions, including chlamydia. I got it from a spider bite. Only Dr. Bill, my functional MD, would know that! Turns out some scientific dude studied spiders back in the day and cultured one of their mandibles (wtf?). He discovered chlamydia bacteria. So you don’t have to have sex with the spider. It just has to bite you.

I took kudzu for one of the infections. I think it was the chlamydia. One of the symptoms was swollen finger joints, which is what is happening again. I ordered some more kudzu. I’ll see if it helps with my finger joints. The pinky on the right hand has kind of blown up. Weird. They were feeling alot better until a couple days ago.

I was in Denver last weekend. Doing a class with Sharon, the beloved spiritual teacher. After class, during happy hour at the hotel, I was talking to Patricia. I’m not even sure exactly what I said, but expletives were flying out of my mouth. I am originally from New Jersey and have been known to sling a swear word or two. I think I was trying to articulate how disappointed and isolated I feel because almost no one seems to get what my life is about. And….that group there, my classmates – they should know better. So I think.

Truth be told, some of them might get it. They might be able to articulate an understanding of my life experience – the gist, the core of it – that would feel really satisfying to me. No one did so that weekend. Part of the problem of not only the way I currently live, but with society in general now is how isolated we are. Not only that, but our collective communication has been affected – for the poorer – from the Algo culture (Technical/Artificial Intelligence world, culture). I don’t even understand it all. I don’t want to. I just know Algo shapes communication and perception: we feel more separate and worse.

I felt icky after talking to Patricia. Even though swearing happens out of my mouth, I don’t feel good afterwards, especially if it has caught me off-guard, which this did….completely. I am sitting with the aftermath of the conversation, discerning what I need to be more conscious of. It is this: I feel isolated. It stresses me. I greatly wish people understood and appreciated what I’m doing with my life and why I’m doing it. I write this blog in hopes of helping with that. To be honest, it is the best I can do. I have almost no patience for explaining my life. I speak up, but am also quiet alot.

Too often people see it in the old way. Try to fit it into old narratives. Matrix-created narratives of meritocracy and their own unconscious ego action. So much unconscious ego trancing: “This feels pleasurable and safe. It is good. This does not. It is bad.” It is a trance folks.

I feel impatient. Everything will change on this planet and then people will be living their own profound change and transformation. They will have no choice. Some are doing that now. I know some of them. Still most people seem to be choosing comfort, the known and stagnation.

More on The Good Emergency: Earth in Transition

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One of my favorite quotes from the last year came from an interview with Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, the ex-wife of Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. When asked what her younger self thought about her future, she responded, “I don’t make many plans. I’ve trained my brain to deal with uncertainty more. The brain doesn’t like uncertainty. Stress is a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment.”

I relate well to her words as I have had to examine my relationship to the unknown more than I would have predicted or liked the last two years.

When the rug got pulled from my old life in 2019-2020, I ventured into deeply new inner and outer territory. What drove me was an inner knowing that everything on planet Earth was going to change profoundly.

When the sudden changes came in my own life, I knew it was time for a radical departure from the known world into a life that would – hopefully – be a bridge to the unprecedented reality about to unfold on Earth.

The Earth itself has ascended to the 5th Dimension. Humanity is living in a transition version of the old 3rd dimensional world we all know and (many) think is the only reality that exists….in the entire Cosmos! We have been taught to believe that.

Each density or dimension has very different characteristics, somewhat like different countries having very different customs, language, geography, etc. The change from our old 3rd dimension to the 5th dimension will be radical because the 5th has its own structure (much bigger than 3rd), laws, physics and relationship to duality and it bears no resemblance to our old 3D world.

The other striking thing about this transition from 3D to 5D will be the complete falling away of the system of control that has taken root on our planet for many years. This system of control shapes almost everything we experience in our lives. Just this one fact, the absence of it, will dramatically change our world as we know it. Add to that the ascension into higher dimensions and you have the unprecedented world we are moving into. It is a great time for each of us to challenge our relationship to the unknown and make it more relaxed. We will need that skill. It may seem like the changes I’m talking about will take hundreds of years, but they will not. They will take mere months and years.

It is hard to know exactly what the transition will look like. I would say, though hopefully not to confuse anyone, that in some ways and only in some ways, the lockdown of the pandemic in 2020 was a primer. It was a primer in that almost everything in our world shifted immediately. Everyone had to turn on a dime. This was an incredibly valuable experience. It taught us that the reality we have been lead to believe was absolute and immutable can change in an instant.

Things on Earth will change, but this time we will not be going back to “normal.” This fact might feel very jarring to some. It might feel like an emergency.

Conventionally we experience an emergency when: 1) something sudden and painful is happening; 2) there is usually some form of destruction and we mobilize (like crazy) to eliminate the pain and return to normal, even if that process takes years.

If you extract the painful part and the focus on returning to normal (the two are often very connected), we can call an emergency “good” as there are admirable qualities an emergency brings out. Here are some:

1. Everyone involved knows it is happening (this is key).

2. Time changes. We don’t think much about it because we are too busy acting.

3. We just act. Our thoughts become utilitarian, we do not have time to overanalyze (or snipe on social media or do much of anything on social media, especially if it no longer exists!). We are completely immersed in the process.

4. Our resistance lessens or disappears. There is simply no time for it.

5. What we think we need changes radically.

6. We don’t stand around judging others. We act together.

As our world shifts, you can see how these qualities will be essential. I do not think digital anything is active in the 5th dimension, but there will likely be a transition from our insane dependence on it now to its disappearance. As the transition really gets underway, people will likely be acting in-person in more local communities (will be radically new for younger people).

The old world will not be returning. There will be no “normal” to go back to. It will seem scary for awhile. Time to bring in your better relationship to the unknown. It might feel like an emergency, but it is a good, a great emergency.

We will all be a crucial part of a magnificent transformation. It will have positive reverberations for our entire Universe, which we have yet to meet! There will be great celebration in the cosmos as humanity is freed from the controlling entities and systems that have held it in bondage for ages and the Earth and its inhabitants ascend into spiritual greatness and take their rightful place as fully free cosmic citizens.

Are you ready to rock and roll? We got this!