Category Archives: Off-grid

More Advantage of No-Escape

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I almost titled the first part of this blog, “The Value of No-Escape.” Yes, I think there is value, hence the blogs, but there is more than just value to the rug-pull and the no-escape life (see Pt 1 for explanation of no-harm): they are are advantages. Distinct advantages.

If your job in this life is to face your shadow side and integrate it, there is nothing like (allegedly) having many of your choices taken away to accelerate that process. Again, I don’t mean anything harmful or being held victim/prisoner by other human(s).

Does it feel good? Hell, no. While I am a very big fan of feeling good, sometimes that isn’t the most important thing. Sometimes you have to take a big ole bite of spiritual work and it just doesn’t feel good.

Invariably – I’ve mentioned this before – when I have told people of the discomfort with my current way of life, they say, “Why don’t you move?” That kind of disconnect pisses me off, but lately it is starting to seem funny. I don’t want to waste time on this silliness, but I’ll state the obvious: “I’m a grown woman. I know what the alleged options are.” For some reason these people think that thought has not occurred to me.

We’re programmed…..I’m going to finish that sentence, but for a moment I want to let it stand as is: we are programmed. In every conceivable way. (More silliness out there when people think they are not mind-controlled). So, when/if I tell people I’m feeling uncomfortable – I’m really just trying to communicate honestly – most tend to insert my info into one manipulated perceptual filter or another. Usually just the one. Why don’t I move? (uh, don’t have the resources to do that). Oh, you must be down on your luck. (where did you get those words? do you have the slightest idea?). You get the gist.

The perceptual filter or maybe the intuitive knowing that does not seem to arise is: “Dang, girl. You’re in a rug-pull, no-escape accelerated stage of fractal compression and integration. That’s brave. Good on ya!”

That would be nice.

To be fair, some lovely people I know DO get that. It is a comfort.

Lots more to say and I will, but I think I’ll keep publishing along the way. Otherwise, there will be massive verbiage all in one place.

Are you a victim of slave consciousness?

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If you said no, you are lying to yourself. But that’s ok. It’s not your fault. There’s so much to say on the subject, I will try to summarize this huge topic and come back to some of it later.

Why it’s not your fault?

1. Maybe you think you are a master? You might not realize that the sense of being a master is part of slave consciousness. You might identify as a master in your life, but it is still a limitation. Look closely: how could there even exist such a thing as a master without the opposite of slave?

2. The control mechanisms on this planet are quite literally mind-boggling. Control of the human form, control of its consciousness (and control of the consciousness by control mechanisms in the human form) and control of its connection to its fractal nature and infinite beingness (which can never actually be severed).

I talk about some of it in my published writings, but I’m not sure I’ll ever talk about all of it. Well, “ever” is a long time, so I won’t commit to that, but I won’t talk about them now. Why? Partly, yes, it could make me a target and I am not interested in that. But also, people have to have a certain amount of wisdom cultivated or “under their belt” to be able to hear about these mechanisms and have it be constructive. Without that, it would become a catalyst for deep fear and that is never my intention. I won’t do it.

I am at that point now where I’m open to knowing much more about the control mechanisms, but I’ve been at the wisdom-cultivating game for 50 years. And….I’m extremely selective about my sources. You must be. There is a lot of misinformation out there. The misinformation needs to be sorted and ignored. Some of my sources were in my life 30+ years ago, some of them only came to my awareness 9 months ago. So some of the good info is more available now.

BUT…but…no matter the degree of challenge of control structures here on beloved Earth – and they are a deep challenge – each and every one of us is always…ALWAYS the locus of power. We all have the power to go beyond all the control mechanisms. We go beyond the control mechanisms by going deeply within.

We don’t ascend or get a higher frequency or less dense (our so-called density is our super power) or become some more spiritualized version of “master” to engage our power. All of that is part of the control mechanism. It is control ideology. It is part of the imposed narrative.

How do we access our true power?

We blend our inner shadow and light.
We become aware of and discard pretty much every perceptual filter we’ve “stuck to.”
We go into our heart essence. And in. And in.
That is where infinite is.
Not in climbing, ascending a set of false spiritual steps/frequencies or “mastering” anything. That is where infinite is not.

Shifting Further Further

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I recounted in my last post how the practical reasons – yup, the kooky ones – for which I came to this Mesa did not materialize. The San Luis Valley has been known for off-planet connections for hundreds of years. It felt like a good fit.

People tend to believe that outer circumstances create reality. They do not. So in the past couple years when I would tell folks the challenges we were experiencing here, they would usually respond, “Well, why don’t you move?”

That response was depressing. Their (complete) lack of understanding left me feeling more isolated and exhausted.

When I moved here I called this phase the Alchemical Bootcamp. I understood it intuitively. If you have ever had an encounter with true inner alchemy, you might guess that an alchemical bootcamp was going to be a complete ass-kicking ordeal. It was. It still is, though for today the non-stop major crises and breakdown of essential things has quieted. For today.

I wish more people spoke “alchemy.” It would be so nice to talk to others on a level that felt mutual. We need that mind-meld. It would be great for that.

The alchemy is well underway. I could even dare to say I have some experience already under my belt. Dare I say? When you get shredded by life/soul for alchemical purposes, it is hard to be optimistic about anything other than the fact that some other shoe is going to drop any minute.

So, where do I find myself now? No liaising with the star family, at least not now. LIving day to day like I am back country camping – not acceptable. Honestly, I was a pretty good sport about some of it: the composting toilet; showering at the community center; cooking in an RV that had no heat and an abundance of mice. Now, though, it has settled into a way of life since we do not have the many thousands of dollars required to improve the situation. Yeah, this is not gonna fly.

Community? I have met some lovely people here. On the Mesa and off. But they all travel alot and have friends elsewhere (and not on star family craft – that was supposed to be my crowd). So they are mostly gone, having fun elsewhere.

Roger, my buddy on the Mesa, sadly died in March. He is with his own off-planet family now.

Our good neighbor, John, had a sort of stress-induced breakdown a few months ago and tried to destroy a bunch of people’s organizations online, including Vyvyan’s (my husband) who started his organization to help John. We don’t see John anymore.

This high desert stark land has become desolate in many ways. Too many ways.

I do not have enough money to go out to dinner, much less move to another country, but inwardly I’m feeling drawn to move. I noticed last night, my energy is starting to vacate my current life.

It will be interesting to see if things in the outer world shift as I open myself more to a move prospect internally.
Not all the original reasons to stay in Colorado (or in the US) have disappeared, but some of them have.

Shifting Further

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There were many intentions, not all of which were conscious, behind my move to the Mesa. There was of course the rug pull by Soul. The life we had been living completely lost its foundation. We had to shift.

Lately I have been reviewing how we got to this particular place: the San Luis Valley in southern Colorado. I had forgotten some of the core motivations.

TMJ stuff. I needed to stay in Colorado because my TMJ specialist, Dr. Kennedy – possibly unique in all the world and yes, I back that up with a shitload of experience – practiced in Grand Junction, Colorado. I had to live within a five hour (max) drive of his office.

(He retired in 2023, so that condition no longer exists. But it was a core reason in 2021 when we were deciding where to relocate.)

My cats. My husband and I flirted with moving overseas before we got our first cat in 2008, but practically speaking, we didn’t see how we could do it. Once we got our first cat, Lili, chances were slimmer that we would move overseas.
My cats are like children to me. Once they are part of my family, I am committed to their happiness and well-being for the duration of their lives.
I was not interested in subjecting Lili to the inhumane treatment required for a move to another country, though I do recall looking at the move requirements for domestic animals for some countries even after we got her.

Maybe because just one cat remains of the three and he is 15 yrs old I am starting to open to the possibility of a broader move. It has brought many things to mind.

Until we here on Earth can do the equivalent of the Vulcan mind-meld that Mr. Spock did on the original “Star Trek” series, I’m not sure (almost) anyone will understand what the last five years of my life have really meant to me.
I do my best to articulate it in these blog posts, but they can only communicate so much. They can only communicate so well.

I came to this 36 acre parcel of land on a Mesa in southern Colorado, in part, for intensely practical reasons. But those reasons are so off the paradigm grid that I cannot speak of them as practical or much at all. I have touched upon them, I think, in some of my posts. What happened is prior to the move, my intuition flooded me – it had years earlier too – with images of liaising with what I will call my “star family.”

Yup, sounds crazy. However, this liaison would have covered all the practical bases. It would have solved certain problems I have had my whole life like finding a work system that actually works for me. It would have addressed other problems that have become more acute the last several years, namely having meaningful day-to-day community. There were also “healthcare” solutions with the star family that we do not have access to here on Earth (but which exist….here on Earth – if that confuses you, you can research “medbeds,” but only look at the credible YouTube sources – the med beds are just one, there are more).

It was shown to me how it would happen. And then….it did not happen. At all.

Anyone reading this is likely saying, “Duh. Coulda told you that.” But it has happened to others. Not that that has to be the criteria for “realism” – though it almost always is – but it has happened to others. Yes, I know it is rare and infrequent and sounds impossible, but it is possible. It does happen.

Okay, so for me it did not happen. I think it will one day, but it won’t be the solution to problems it would have been had it happened the last few years. It will likely be a fun, exhilarating reunion with old, dear friends.

Instead, for the last two and half years, I have been left living on the edges of the US system: economy, community, infrastructure.
Infrastructure includes: housing, water supply, food supply, transportation, heating. It is most of what we need to survive in our current human body.
It is also a collection of thoughts and beliefs. Any system is that.

So the practical part of why I moved here has not materialized and what I am left with is living in an area the culture terms “under-served.” What I have observed here is “under-served begets under-served.” Projects, businesses, ambitions do not flourish here. Some have tried to open businesses – nice ones – since I moved here, but they are failing.

I won’t go into all of it. Food, however, is a big problem. Even though I live in a rural area, there are no local farms that sell food. It is what the US calls a “food desert,” (that’s one “s” not two, like dessert, which would be great!). I have to drive roundtrip 3 hrs to get to a grocery store. There are no natural foods stores. The local per capita does not attract those kinds of stores: under-served begetting under-served.
Last year, one of my neighbors had a decent outdoor garden here on the Mesa. I have not started a garden. I might consider it. At the moment I do not have the basic infrastructure -fencing, beds for raised gardens – and while I love supporting other growers, I lack the experience and, sadly, the interest in growing food myself. Remember, I did not move here for this scenario, so I did not plan to become a homesteader (would be tough with no water) or to fix & build things or to have the basics of life be as difficult as are on any back country camping trip. I simply lack the proclivity and interest.

(Okay, this post is long, I will move the rest to a new post that follows).