When life falls apart (seems to) or things don’t go the way you wanted or expected, how do you react? Are you able to see beyond the narrative? The stories we internalized that filter how we see things. Perhaps one could call it the normative narrative. These stories & norms are everywhere and we have identified with them (as we were intensely taught to do: school, home, peer pressure, religion, media and more). Can you see beyond them? That is the gift, the great opportunity in the things falling apart experience.
In my case I’m breaking the norms (primarily) with my way of life, how I am living my day to day life. While I sometimes talk about it as something heroic (don’t get me wrong, it feels pretty frickin heroic), the fact is, I do not experience a choice in it. It is my soul’s call. Everything in life is our soul’s call, but sometimes we get to live our life in ways that comport or agree more with our ego structures, norms and our likes. But the soul is the puppeteer. It pulls the strings.
When the soul decides to turn up the volume – intensify for growth, wisdom – you will know it, because things tend to fall apart. It is not the only way the soul teaches, but it is a way that frequently happens. Can you see this happening when things fall apart?
I often feel like I’m the only one who sees this. It’s lonely.
Lately I’ve been hearing a similar thing from sources I trust. They are saying we, the humans on Earth, are the impediment to full disclosure. It is not the organizations, governments, secret space programs, cabal, it is us. We have not integrated fully enough to handle the frequencies that disclosure will require.
Others would say we have not raised our vibration or raised our frequency enough. I won’t say that. It is a matter of integration, not ascending. We humans have endured and internalized aeons of conditioning about hierarchies, including the god matrix. Without our belief that we are less than, no hierarchical belief system could take hold. But hierarchical beliefs – all kinds – OWN us.
This is why it is important to understand the difference between the “bliss” of the false spirituality and the deep, unmoveable, soft heart of true integration. Even this makes it sound complicated, but it is not. However, discernment is very important.
We have not integrated our inner reality enough. Again, sounds complicated. When did you last judge your partner, child, neighbor, sibling, mother/father? That is part of the inner reality I’m talking about and you experience it constantly. Start there.
Years ago, someone I trust said (emphatically) that the soul will complete its mission no matter what. I used to get all lofty and feel a sense of power about that. But that is ego. That is the false spirituality. Don’t you want true freedom? It is beyond all good and all not-good. It is not a sensation of bliss. On its journey to freedom, the soul might take you to your knees. That is true power. Does it feel like it? False spirituality/bliss will crumble like a house of cards if the soul turns up its volume. It will not feel good.
You are it. I’ve said it many times, but it’s not a power trip and we know almost nothing but power trips. But we can change that. We can release the fake. Who pissed you off today? Get still and ask the “judge your neighbor” worksheet questions in stillness. This is the power that does not feel like power, but is.
Worship. Where does it come from? It comes from the god story. It is a control mechanism designed by the priestly caste to give them the energy they feed on. We send forth energy when we worship. Worship seems very pure to those who do it, but it is actually tainted with fear. Why would you worship if you did not fear?
Worship is a control mechanism. It starts with the belief that we, humanity, are less-than or lacking. This is the keystone of the god story: god is the creator of all that is and we are, at best, its child. Definitely less than. Then the story sprinkles in “born of sin” – screwed from the get-go – adds a generous serving of heaven and hell and we end up scared of our own shadow (literally). It trains us to seek power outside ourselves. That is the real power play of the god story and the hologram of the gods.
It is the ultimate consumerism. The narrative tells you that what you want is, de facto, outside yourself and worship is the currency you must pay to (try to) buy it back. All worship – celebs, kings, gods, Beyonce – stems from that lie. (o.k., not cat worship, because that is based on absolute truth!).
You are it. You really are. It is built into you just because you are human. You must give up the religious and hierarchical ideologies and the worship. It will take courage. It is time.
The advantage (that feels like a total disadvantage) of the no-escape life is, well, if you feel imprisoned or stuck, you cannot rely on behaviors or even thought-constructs you may have used in the past to look away from certain beliefs and feelings you hold. At least not in the same way. I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t feel good to me.
But it’s not always about feeling good.
This fact will bring up a host of reactions. You will face them because you cannot escape the situation. Not only will you look at the reactions you are experiencing, but it will serve you to look at how you are perceiving the situation itself.
For me the issue of money, earning, worth and creating have been sticky ones. Here in my life of little distraction (I still try!) are some of the underlying issues I’ve noticed feel constricting on these issues:
Feeling like a slave. A slave to the good opinion of others. (huge) A slave to: – work trends – what is considered good business – what is considered real – what is considered worthy, authoritative – what has “real” substance – what is considered crazy or sane – who deserves to be paid well and who doesn’t – what I have to do or not do to be paid well
The list goes on with that one.
Some of the others are: navigating different-ness; sensitivity; self-worth; the right to be; the right to speak; fear of visibility. That is what I’ve noticed just on that one subject.
These issues are both cultural (in the largest sense) and personal. Or they seem personal. Part of the alchemy process is looking at the sense of how personal the “issues” feel. That is an important part of blending them back into center, zero point and moving beyond.
Your job, should you choose to accept it ;^) – is to become aware of both aspects: the larger cultural one, by which I mean the imposition by other cultures into our thought, spiritual and physical realm and the personal. The cultural impositions play a huge role. Part of this control system has resulted in humanity as a collective, not knowing or acknowledging there are other cultures who live off-planet and interdimensionally. Nor do we understand the profound role they have played and continue to play in our lives and experience of reality. So much easier to control a species when part of how you do it is deny your very existence. It is hard to believe something is influencing you that doesn’t exist.
You might think this is crazy talk that has nothing to do with you. You’re wrong.
The control system encompasses almost everything about reality except your heart-soul essence or your is-ness, however you term it. The no-escape life gives you the opportunity to become aware of these influences more quickly and to see what part of this mix you feel most identified with, as in: triggered; attached to; repulsed by; intensely wanting of; defining your self-worth by or even what you value. It is the is-ness, the “immediacy” within to which you bring all the attachments of concept, memory, identity. (It is not god. If you are bringing this inner material to god, you are not exiting the matrix. You are looping back into the control/containment sphere.)
The no-escape life, especially if it is lived in a remote area like mine, gives you the quietude and lack of distraction (arghh) to see this inner material more clearly. This is truly the first step to dissolving it. It gives you an accelerated opportunity to blend the positive & negative, dissolve it and move more intensely inward to the unified field. That is true freedom. This is why it is an advantage. This is the path to completing your soul’s journey in this universe. It is the reason you are here.
I almost titled the first part of this blog, “The Value of No-Escape.” Yes, I think there is value, hence the blogs, but there is more than just value to the rug-pull and the no-escape life (see Pt 1 for explanation of no-harm): they are are advantages. Distinct advantages.
If your job in this life is to face your shadow side and integrate it, there is nothing like (allegedly) having many of your choices taken away to accelerate that process. Again, I don’t mean anything harmful or being held victim/prisoner by other human(s).
Does it feel good? Hell, no. While I am a very big fan of feeling good, sometimes that isn’t the most important thing. Sometimes you have to take a big ole bite of spiritual work and it just doesn’t feel good.
Invariably – I’ve mentioned this before – when I have told people of the discomfort with my current way of life, they say, “Why don’t you move?” That kind of disconnect pisses me off, but lately it is starting to seem funny. I don’t want to waste time on this silliness, but I’ll state the obvious: “I’m a grown woman. I know what the alleged options are.” For some reason these people think that thought has not occurred to me.
We’re programmed…..I’m going to finish that sentence, but for a moment I want to let it stand as is: we are programmed. In every conceivable way. (More silliness out there when people think they are not mind-controlled). So, when/if I tell people I’m feeling uncomfortable – I’m really just trying to communicate honestly – most tend to insert my info into one manipulated perceptual filter or another. Usually just the one. Why don’t I move? (uh, don’t have the resources to do that). Oh, you must be down on your luck. (where did you get those words? do you have the slightest idea?). You get the gist.
The perceptual filter or maybe the intuitive knowing that does not seem to arise is: “Dang, girl. You’re in a rug-pull, no-escape accelerated stage of fractal compression and integration. That’s brave. Good on ya!”
That would be nice.
To be fair, some lovely people I know DO get that. It is a comfort.
Lots more to say and I will, but I think I’ll keep publishing along the way. Otherwise, there will be massive verbiage all in one place.
I’ve been thinking today (and every day for the last three years) about the advantage of the rug-pull and the no-escape life. First, know, I am not talking about literal imprisonment or anything harmful. Also, my no-escape has been set up by my soul/inner being. No one else is controlling it. I’d love to say I never feel like a victim, but the truth is I often feel like a victim. Still, I know that my soul/inner being calls the shots. I am not a victim. The push-pull of feeling like a victim while not being one is the crux, or one of them, of what is getting worked out during this time of no-escape.
I recounted in my last post how the practical reasons – yup, the kooky ones – for which I came to this Mesa did not materialize. The San Luis Valley has been known for off-planet connections for hundreds of years. It felt like a good fit.
People tend to believe that outer circumstances create reality. They do not. So in the past couple years when I would tell folks the challenges we were experiencing here, they would usually respond, “Well, why don’t you move?”
That response was depressing. Their (complete) lack of understanding left me feeling more isolated and exhausted.
When I moved here I called this phase the Alchemical Bootcamp. I understood it intuitively. If you have ever had an encounter with true inner alchemy, you might guess that an alchemical bootcamp was going to be a complete ass-kicking ordeal. It was. It still is, though for today the non-stop major crises and breakdown of essential things has quieted. For today.
I wish more people spoke “alchemy.” It would be so nice to talk to others on a level that felt mutual. We need that mind-meld. It would be great for that.
The alchemy is well underway. I could even dare to say I have some experience already under my belt. Dare I say? When you get shredded by life/soul for alchemical purposes, it is hard to be optimistic about anything other than the fact that some other shoe is going to drop any minute.
So, where do I find myself now? No liaising with the star family, at least not now. LIving day to day like I am back country camping – not acceptable. Honestly, I was a pretty good sport about some of it: the composting toilet; showering at the community center; cooking in an RV that had no heat and an abundance of mice. Now, though, it has settled into a way of life since we do not have the many thousands of dollars required to improve the situation. Yeah, this is not gonna fly.
Community? I have met some lovely people here. On the Mesa and off. But they all travel alot and have friends elsewhere (and not on star family craft – that was supposed to be my crowd). So they are mostly gone, having fun elsewhere.
Roger, my buddy on the Mesa, sadly died in March. He is with his own off-planet family now.
Our good neighbor, John, had a sort of stress-induced breakdown a few months ago and tried to destroy a bunch of people’s organizations online, including Vyvyan’s (my husband) who started his organization to help John. We don’t see John anymore.
This high desert stark land has become desolate in many ways. Too many ways.
I do not have enough money to go out to dinner, much less move to another country, but inwardly I’m feeling drawn to move. I noticed last night, my energy is starting to vacate my current life.
It will be interesting to see if things in the outer world shift as I open myself more to a move prospect internally. Not all the original reasons to stay in Colorado (or in the US) have disappeared, but some of them have.
“I have only ever lived in the light,” he said. It sounds noble. It sounds right. But it’s only half the story and it won’t get you to completion in the universal journey.
Technically we live in a universe of light, but not the one-sided kind. The nature of our universe is like a sine wave: there is light on one side of the midline and there is shadow on the other. It is an integrated light. When our sun shines on an object, it casts a shadow. In this universe we are here to explore our shadow. It is a unique opportunity.
Another consideration is that “light” is highly manipulated on our planet. The “light of God?” Artificial. The light of the kundalini, the third eye, the chakras? All manipulated.
The real job here: integrate your shadow. When you (think you) live only in the light, you have judgment against those in whom you – unconsciously – see your own shadow. You become righteous. Combine that with the fact that you think you have cornered the “goodness market” with all your alleged light and you become righteous a.f.
This inner division, this disowning your shadow will keep you in artificial worlds. It will keep you owned by those that have created and sold you the “visions of light” ideology. You will be missing the opportunity to blend and complete your universal journey. It’s a big deal.
I am working on a post about the god matrix, also known as the hologram of the gods. It is tough for me to finish. In part because I have been a lover and devotee of the mystical god for many lifetimes. It has carried over into this lifetime. If you look at the books I own, 80% of them, at least, have some theme about god. It will take some time to exit this matrix fully. The irony is that on some level it already happened. I noticed it in this subtle, everyday intuitive flash four years ago where I saw my energy was bigger than god’s. Now I am unpacking it consciously and for good.
George Kavassilis says that once you understand that the notion of god and a creator is a narrative, a lie, created by other races to control the human you’ve cracked the code. I get it. The belief in a creator – by its very definition greater and more powerful than us – and a god (same) – births the belief in “more powerful than, better than.” Once that belief takes hold, you are owned. You are ripe for the picking. You have allowed yourself to be severed from your own true essence. All essence within each one of us is equally and infinitely powerful. Despite ALL the narratives, history, alleged proof to the contrary, “better than” is a lie.
“There is a natural law of abundance which pervades the entire universe, but it will not flow through a doorway of belief in lack and limitation.” – Paul Zaiter
I used to believe this or maybe I used to try to believe it. Now I think it is complete rubbish. Total bullshit. I cannot count the number of people I know who have alot of money AND intense fear around money; the belief in lack and limitation mentioned in the quote. It almost seems like a belief in lack and limitation is a darn good prerequisite for attracting and holding a great deal of money.
What seems truer to me is this quote from Jung: “Until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate.” And even more, this one: “One does not become enlightened by imagining futures of light, but by making the darkness visible.” But I would nix “enlightened,” and put in blended, integrated, unified.
Here’s the thing: not everyone has to do this. Blend their shadow. Make the fear known, conscious and integrated before enough or more than enough money shows up for them. The people I know who have abundant money and plenty of fear too (and I’m not talking about thieves and plunderers….don’t know any) do not have to do the hard inner work of integration before they acquire alot of money. Though I had about a 10 year reprieve from the work and hardship of the path of needing-to-integrate-before-having, I seem to be called to this path whether I like it or not. This difference – some have to do the work, some do not – caused me confusion for years.
Inner Tools™ Blog: Times of Intense Rapid Shifts 