I know I do. However, it is the unsexy work of what I call the “inner blend” that makes you able to go through the so-called “eye of the needle” and what we seek in our fantasies of saving and relief. Unsexy indeed.
Inner blend brings you to zero point. That is the transition point, but it is really no point at all. It’s tough. To not have goals. But goals in this realm are ideologies and they end up distracting and – temporarily- blocking us. They are pleasant, they are bromides, but not ultimately useful.
What to do? Embrace those aspects of your self that feel too embarrassing, painful, bad and shameful. The ones you want to cast aside. The ones society & religion – both one big ideology – would tell you are bad and deserve to be cast aside. Those aspects they say need redemption and becoming “better than.” All of that is internal splitting, division. Splitting is too big and discordant. It’s a big wave form. Big wave forms don’t get through the eye of the needle. Forget stories that say it is about material objects, like money, it is about aspects of self and how we relate to them.
Love collapses that wave form. The collapsed wave form is what descriptions like “the eye of the needle” and “zero point” seek to explain. Moving forward is about the quiet, subtle inner blend of all the aspects of self. The belligerent, the irritable, the greedy. Blend ’em. Blend them all.
I have not written much the last few months because I haven’t had much to say. There is so much shifting going on – for all of us, no? – that I feel like anything I write pertains to something in the past and I do not yet know what to say about the reality to come.
Here on the Mesa, in the Alchemical Bootcamp, the challenges just keep on coming! Too many to mention, but they seem to permeate many aspects of life infrastructure from food to toilet-ing to climate control. It is bloody cold in this part of the US and we did not weather the winter here last year- we were stuffed in the RV in a couple different places in New Mexico- so we do not know if our infrastructure here on the Mesa is up to the task.
Our RV is not very viable at the moment, b/c unexpected issues with the “baby” vehicle, our truck, sucked up all the resources we hoped to use on the RV. Both the RV and the truck are young machines and my hope was that their “youth” would provide some buffer against repair expenses and inconvenience. Not to be.
So I stare down the prospect of intense cold without the knowledge of how I will survive it. I feel like a Marvel character in this life: how will our hero survive this?
Most people, including me alot of the time, think the real struggle is between me and the elements, between me and the unknown. To be fair, I do feel struggle, so that part feels real, but the struggle is with fear and fearful states of ego/mind. All of this – all of what I am going through- is about lessening the impact of fear on my sense of self, decisions and life. If you look closely, you might see fear at the root of just about every decision and ideation you experience. It might be masked by “socially acceptable,” but underneath it all, it is likely fear. Even if it seems 8 billion other humans accept the fear as real, it does not make it so. Only you decide what you will accept.
I started this post two weeks ago. It has sat as a draft ever since. This morning I finally realized that my inability to finish it stemmed from the fact that it is about a whole new world for which there is no precedent. For some reason I expected I had a lot to say about that. Ha.
I do know this new world will include the elimination of just about everything we know. Including all culture, religion…the entire nature of reality as it is collectively and individually seen through familiar filters. The world of culture and religion are composed of beliefs and those beliefs create perceptual filters through which we define and physically create a reality. That is culture and religion and pretty much…..everything.
This shift goes beyond even that. It goes to the structure and meta-physics of our planet and galaxy. Most of that information is beyond my ken at this time. However, one point made clear to me recently was that there will no longer be “yugas.”
A yuga is a period of time on planet Earth. It was based on movements in the Earth’s axis. Common knowledge says there are four of them and they each encompass vast periods of time: 432,000 years. But in fact they may be much shorter: between 24,000 – 26,000 years. It is said they have a dark or sleeping aspect/group and an awake aspect/group. They have different “flavors” or qualities. We are allegedly at the end of a Kali Yuga, the darkest and most difficult of the yugas.
This planet has been manipulated for a very long time. The unfolding of the new Unknown (and Glorious, I suspect) has been withheld. Hopefully, humanity is rectifying that, but honestly I do not know if that is actually happening and that is probably the most difficult unknown I wrestle with.
I wrote about the yugas in a recent post because I needed a reference point for my thoughts and the yuga seemed useful. It is not that I no longer believe in them, it is that they will soon no longer exist as a meta-model for our planet. Extend that to virtually everything we know and have known including most esoteric information and practices. It’s a big deal.
This raises a bigger question that I wrestle with frequently in my daily life: what do you do & how do you proceed when you know you are on the edge of a shift into a Great Unknown and you only (or mostly) have the known to work with? This is exactly the nature of my everyday, mundane life. I face the issue daily, hourly. For example, the heat in the RV has broken. That heat kept my husband, me and our cats alive this past Winter. We have ideas for backups, but we have not materialized them yet. Money is tight at the moment and there are constant priorities popping up their little heads and hungry mouths. So how will we survive next Winter?It’s a big question and as of today, I have no answer.
I hope and pray all this dealing with the unknown in daily life is prepping me to better deal with it when it is undeniably the fact of our reality on Earth. It is not that time yet. I must say though that my experience of what I call the alchemical bootcamp: frequent facing of the unknown and loss of the familiar and/or the hoped-for, is not pleasant and the irritability I experience is existential. Hopefully there is some alchemy actually happening and will result in some kind of peace and smoothness of being in the face of the unknown-known-unknown-known.
in the meantime, I use the tools I have, even though they are probably already fossils.
The ancients used to use the branch from the Holly tree to cast spells. The Holly wood. Modern-somebody knew this.
Hollywood loves to cast spells. In the movies the down-on-their luck guy or gal gets their big break and is saved from their sorry lot in life. Suddenly they are rich, beautiful and in-demand.
Do you believe something or someone else can save you? Do you hope that enough likes, attention, good looks or cash can make you the Queen or King you long to be?
Alot of you do. You can insert your Hollywood ending here.
No. No amount of likes, money, love, looks, professional degrees, the Presidency (for God’s sake), being an Influencer or anything else can do this work for you. You are already the Queen or King you long to be, but it is going to take some serious inner work – Inner Alchemy – to own it.
You have to face your fears, think you’ll perish on the street, feel certain you;re going to die alone and alchemize those inner voices and energies. These movies play in your head constantly and they OWN you. You have to dismantle this Influencer. It’s the only one that counts.
Hollywood spells are for beginners. You are not a beginner. You are a spiritual athlete.
We have a breakthrough. After months, years or even decades we break through the fear that was holding us back and take the brave action. And then…..we’re done, right? We’re Rocky Balboa running up those stairs, conquering it all. Fade to black. Perfect. Forever.
Nope. We’ve broken through the inner shadow archetype mesh, it feels great (it does, it is) and then? It could be an hour or a day, it could be just a few minutes and we’re back in shadow. It’s insidious. It feels unfair.
The Hollywood story tells us all we have to do is get the thing. The physical triumph, the girl or guy and, especially, the money. The more the better. It equates having the money with conquering the shadow. Permanently conquering the inner and outer struggle. That is a lie. Money may or may not show up when you’re mostly (or completely) out of the shadow archetype matrix, but it is not the same. Seems like that should be obvious, but it isn’t. Not in our culture. Not in the world.
Rocky had his moment and then he was back in the ring. Fighting a human opponent and his own inner shadow. Watch what happens after your victory. Do you collapse? Be vigilant. It’s insidious. Don’t collapse.
Inner Tools™ Blog: Times of Intense Rapid Shifts 