“I have only ever lived in the light,” he said. It sounds noble. It sounds right. But it’s only half the story and it won’t get you to completion in the universal journey.
Technically we live in a universe of light, but not the one-sided kind. The nature of our universe is like a sine wave: there is light on one side of the midline and there is shadow on the other. It is an integrated light. When our sun shines on an object, it casts a shadow. In this universe we are here to explore our shadow. It is a unique opportunity.
Another consideration is that “light” is highly manipulated on our planet. The “light of God?” Artificial. The light of the kundalini, the third eye, the chakras? All manipulated.
The real job here: integrate your shadow. When you (think you) live only in the light, you have judgment against those in whom you – unconsciously – see your own shadow. You become righteous. Combine that with the fact that you think you have cornered the “goodness market” with all your alleged light and you become righteous a.f.
This inner division, this disowning your shadow will keep you in artificial worlds. It will keep you owned by those that have created and sold you the “visions of light” ideology. You will be missing the opportunity to blend and complete your universal journey. It’s a big deal.
I am working on a post about the god matrix, also known as the hologram of the gods. It is tough for me to finish. In part because I have been a lover and devotee of the mystical god for many lifetimes. It has carried over into this lifetime. If you look at the books I own, 80% of them, at least, have some theme about god. It will take some time to exit this matrix fully. The irony is that on some level it already happened. I noticed it in this subtle, everyday intuitive flash four years ago where I saw my energy was bigger than god’s. Now I am unpacking it consciously and for good.
George Kavassilis says that once you understand that the notion of god and a creator is a narrative, a lie, created by other races to control the human you’ve cracked the code. I get it. The belief in a creator – by its very definition greater and more powerful than us – and a god (same) – births the belief in “more powerful than, better than.” Once that belief takes hold, you are owned. You are ripe for the picking. You have allowed yourself to be severed from your own true essence. All essence within each one of us is equally and infinitely powerful. Despite ALL the narratives, history, alleged proof to the contrary, “better than” is a lie.
“There is a natural law of abundance which pervades the entire universe, but it will not flow through a doorway of belief in lack and limitation.” – Paul Zaiter
I used to believe this or maybe I used to try to believe it. Now I think it is complete rubbish. Total bullshit. I cannot count the number of people I know who have alot of money AND intense fear around money; the belief in lack and limitation mentioned in the quote. It almost seems like a belief in lack and limitation is a darn good prerequisite for attracting and holding a great deal of money.
What seems truer to me is this quote from Jung: “Until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate.” And even more, this one: “One does not become enlightened by imagining futures of light, but by making the darkness visible.” But I would nix “enlightened,” and put in blended, integrated, unified.
Here’s the thing: not everyone has to do this. Blend their shadow. Make the fear known, conscious and integrated before enough or more than enough money shows up for them. The people I know who have abundant money and plenty of fear too (and I’m not talking about thieves and plunderers….don’t know any) do not have to do the hard inner work of integration before they acquire alot of money. Though I had about a 10 year reprieve from the work and hardship of the path of needing-to-integrate-before-having, I seem to be called to this path whether I like it or not. This difference – some have to do the work, some do not – caused me confusion for years.
There is no Shangri-la. Well, to be honest, I think there is, but it is not our destination as universal fractals. Our destination is not a destination as we understand it. It is within each of us and we are already there. It is not a swoony place like Shangri-la. Because of that it can be easy to miss. It is subtle and, like Dorothy discovered at that end of “The Wizard of Oz,” we are already home. We always have been.
Our minds have been deeply programmed to believe in hierarchies and ideologies, like Shangri-la. Bigger, better, out there, up there, reach & strive for, you’re not it – something else is. Hollywood has played a big part in the programming. We are always looking for bigger, better, out there, sexy, candy.
Years ago I was a participant in an online money mindset group coached by a 28 yr old woman named Laura. It was a humbling experience to be Laura’s student. I was in my 50’s at the time. It took me a minute to alter my mindset about age and wisdom (ha). Laura coached on shifting & releasing limiting inner thought-programs about money and having that shift materialize in the outer world. She understood something about the nature of money that I desperately wanted to understand, but could not quite grasp. The nature of money seemed so set in stone to me.
I felt like young Helen Keller in the movie, “The Miracle Worker,” I saw as a child. As many know, Helen Keller was deaf and blind. In the film, Helen’s teacher, Annie, tries to teach Helen sign language. She furiously makes signs into Helen’s hands hoping she will connect the strange hand movements to the real-world objects they represent, like water. Helen just doesn’t get it. Until… one day she does. By some grace she makes the electric connection that the weird hand movements are a language that Helen finally speaks.
When Coach Laura used to speak about her money insights I felt like Helen before she understood signing. It was just beyond my grasp. Lately, though, I’m starting to get it. It is dawning. It has been many years. I feel slow! It’s about life being a dream and choosing which thoughts, feelings and accompanying sensations we entertain. But first, we must confront the painful beliefs we think are real. As that emptying occurs, there is a freedom to choose. We can choose better stories about money or anything else.
This might sound like positive thinking or affirmations, but it is not. It is about emptying out the life-illusion and embracing the charged “bits” inside ourselves enough to see that this is a game and we are not bound by any memory, history, ideology or identity. Positive thinking can be a big defense mechanism. You have to know yourself well enough to discern how you are using it.
Up until the time we start to experience more choice, we live in ideologies, identities, memories and believe them, often wholeheartedly. Not a problem. If you believe something is real how can you also not believe it is real? It is an evolutionary process.
Two other wise women I work with know that our Universe is benevolent. It’s not a belief for them, it is something they know. I feel slow here too, but am starting to trust it. I still have my moments when I’m pretty dang sure the universe is out to get me, but there is more space around that lately too.
If it is true that the universe is friendly by nature, then I am free to accept alternative interpretations about life and life events. There have been alot of so-called negative life events the past few years, but that too is a point of view.
For my purposes, a fractal is a compressed version of every life expression you’ve ever experienced in this universe. The “you” I’m referring to is your infinite soul or infinite being, whichever term you prefer. There are millions of expressions your soul has had in this universe. Maybe even billions. Not just a few. Fractals may have other meanings in other contexts, but the one I refer to is a compression of all the soul’s universal expressions in this body right now in this lifetime.
Our “fractality” is not literal in the physical sense, meaning we don’t physically display all these life expressions – that would be wild! – but inside ourselves, essentially, we embody all those life expressions. That is why there is so much density here on Earth. If you embody all your incarnational experiences in one form it is dense and kinda crowded. This density is not “dense” like being dumb and lowly, which is the pervasive meme or mind-control thought about it. This perception – that we are dense, lowly and in need of raising our frequency/vibration to be “better” -is stronger than you think. It controlled me in subtle ways for eaons until recently.
This distinction, between knowing we are fractals wholly complete and infinite in essence vs. thinking we are incomplete, children of a creator in need of saving, “higher’ guidance, and ever-elusive completeness is vitally important. It has changed my life. I think it can change yours.
As universal fractals about to graduate we will go through compression. That is how the fractal process works. Like coal becoming a diamond, except we were always diamond, we just have “played” coal.
The compression process looks different for different people, but you kinda know it when you are in it. Actually you may not know what it is, but you will know it feels sucky. If definitely sucks.
What the compression process is, is blending all your inner aspects. You are looking at every fear-infused nook and cranny within yourself. As I said in my blog post about money much of what passes for normal or even the “good life” in our world is often fear-based. Y’gotta look that gnarly stuff in the eye. But you have to do it in real life, by living your life. If it’s just something you do in your mind or energetically, it is not compression.
Once you confront the tough stuff internally you can blend it, integrate it. You…we… will move into the unknown. And the way better.
What is coming on Earth is not a better version of what the matrix tells you is the “good life” or what you have known before. It is something altogether different. During compression you know (all too well) what you have lost or left behind, but you don’t know what you’re going to. That is a big part of what makes it feel crummy.
A time of reckoning. What does that mean? Not sure. When I first thought about it I saw it as a confrontation, a showdown, like the gunfight at the OK Corral.
Yeah, it feels confrontational, but not in the way I thought and not in the way I expected and not in the way we are taught a showdown is. There’s fear, but no foe. Yes, there is fear, but no foe. I am so used to a foe. I almost don’t know how to function without one. I definintely don’t know how to have a reckoning without one, even an inner one. That is part of the challenge. No foe. No me, the fighter, having to boost self, blow up my self esteem, my energy and tackle the fucker.
Taking action. What is the action you need to take? You know what it is. How many layers of fearful denial cloud your knowing?
It’s the icky feelings, the sinking into remembering that cause the cloud. Something hurt. Something hurt me. I don’t even really remember all of it, but it is there. Always pulling me back. Always giving me reasons to stay safe and not, do not, let it happen again. I mean how stupid would I be to let it happen again?
As for not knowing: maybe there was another planet in this solar system at another time. Some have called the planet Tiamat. Some have called it Maldek. I think they are the same. It was destroyed. It was blown up. I do remember being on the planet as the destruction was on its way. Was it a weapon? A weaponized asteroid? Don’t know. I saw myself standing on a street corner in a Roman-esque type robe talking to a friend. I know her in this life. It was a casual chat. And hell was about to rain down.
Some trusted people I know have said that this planet’s destruction is a big if not the core trauma behind the fears many of us have. How the fuck would I know that? We thought our souls, our spiritual core, would die. We still do.
My life has been rough the last couple years. When I tell people about it – I don’t often – they usually don’t understand. “Why don’t you change it?” they ask. They don’t understand. That makes my life feel rougher.
Last weekend, I was talking to a friend about it. I said, “Sometimes the soul calls shots the ego does not like. The freedoms we normally experience aren’t there. We try, but things don’t happen, like as a way of life.”
My friend said the same thing another friend said in a similar conversation in November. “Maybe most people don’t experience that.”
It got me thinking a bit differently. First, I think some people do understand this subject, they are just not the ones crossing my path. There is a phenomena on the spiritual journey called “the dark night of the soul.” I can tell you for sure that the overwhelming majority of people do not accurately understand that process. Part of the reason for that is there is NO and I mean no societal reference point for it. When you experience it you are in the dark in more ways than one, including having no culture that understands it. Literally.
Thing is, everyone goes through it at some point as they complete their spiritual journey. Because of that, I have come to expect that people know what it is, that they have some kind of real-life reference point.
If they have experienced it maybe they regarded it “just” as a very difficult time? What I’m going through now is not the Dark Night. It has similarities, but it is not the same, though it sucks pretty much the same. The Dark Night had distinct features. The inner life I had known to that point was gone. The “light” phenomena of consciousness – the way guidance occurred; the love exchange I had with what I then called God – was gone. In a way there was an energy that did present itself, but it was dark. Compared to the energy that was no longer there, it was blind.
Maybe I understand the Dark Night process more than others, but I think everyone should understand it to some degree. Am I wrong? They don’t seem to.
This applies to more than money, but let’s focus on money. It has taken me ages to grasp that the behavior most people have around money stems from fear. The fear can have certain flavors – insecurity, greed, worry, compulsion, anger, stinginess – but I am discovering that the core driver of all these states is fear.
There are a million, billion justifications for this fear. I get it. I get how scary this subject feels. But none of the justifications are real. If you still your mind and question just one of the many beliefs you have about money, anchored in a (very) specific situation in your life, you will find that the issue is fear, not the money.
We think, “No! It is true. Look how much money I lost. Look how much other people have. Look how much I don’t have. What if I lose it all like ______? What if I end up on the streets?!!” Yup. The ego is a trickster. On the issue of money, it will give you very real-seeming, terrifying scenarios. It will give you them in your mind’s eye over and over and over. Then you’ll hear more of the same on media. Then your spouse will echo them. Then your community. It all seems so real.
I grew up in what I describe as a Fear-Around-Money bootcamp. My home, my community. The conditioning was so intense. It seemed like everyone around me voiced the same beliefs and acted out the same behaviors, more or less. All were saturated with fear. Again, to one degree or another. My family was particularly fearful. Still, it can seem complicated because fear is what the society calls “common sense.”
It is still a fact in this world – for however long – that money or something of value to the buyer is what gets you necessities. Even if you live in the wilderness, as I do, unless you have free year-round food, water and heat, you still would need to be in perfect health your whole life and have no interests in anything that cost money to live something close to an effective money-free life. I could talk for hours about my thoughts on that subject, but the point for now is what is the consciousness you have towards money?
It is easy, easy, easy, easy to fool yourself. You have to have great courage and a willingness to face some icky, jagged, vulnerable-feeling states of mind and emotion without projecting them (onto other people, onto money, onto society) to uncover how you really regard it. You will face your true beliefs about what powers your life (hint: it is not God). You will question the nature of this Universe.
Inner Tools™ Blog: Times of Intense Rapid Shifts 