Category Archives: Soul Freedom

What is a Fractal Human?

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For my purposes, a fractal is a compressed version of every life expression you’ve ever experienced in this universe. The “you” I’m referring to is your infinite soul or infinite being, whichever term you prefer. There are millions of expressions your soul has had in this universe. Maybe even billions. Not just a few. Fractals may have other meanings in other contexts, but the one I refer to is a compression of all the soul’s universal expressions in this body right now in this lifetime.

Our “fractality” is not literal in the physical sense, meaning we don’t physically display all these life expressions – that would be wild! – but inside ourselves, essentially, we embody all those life expressions.
That is why there is so much density here on Earth. If you embody all your incarnational experiences in one form it is dense and kinda crowded. This density is not “dense” like being dumb and lowly, which is the pervasive meme or mind-control thought about it. This perception – that we are dense, lowly and in need of raising our frequency/vibration to be “better” -is stronger than you think. It controlled me in subtle ways for eaons until recently.

This distinction, between knowing we are fractals wholly complete and infinite in essence vs. thinking we are incomplete, children of a creator in need of saving, “higher’ guidance, and ever-elusive completeness is vitally important.
It has changed my life. I think it can change yours.

Fractal Compression (Can’t We Avoid This?)

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As universal fractals about to graduate we will go through compression. That is how the fractal process works. Like coal becoming a diamond, except we were always diamond, we just have “played” coal.

The compression process looks different for different people, but you kinda know it when you are in it. Actually you may not know what it is, but you will know it feels sucky. If definitely sucks.

What the compression process is, is blending all your inner aspects. You are looking at every fear-infused nook and cranny within yourself. As I said in my blog post about money much of what passes for normal or even the “good life” in our world is often fear-based. Y’gotta look that gnarly stuff in the eye. But you have to do it in real life, by living your life. If it’s just something you do in your mind or energetically, it is not compression.

Once you confront the tough stuff internally you can blend it, integrate it. You…we… will move into the unknown. And the way better.

What is coming on Earth is not a better version of what the matrix tells you is the “good life” or what you have known before. It is something altogether different. During compression you know (all too well) what you have lost or left behind, but you don’t know what you’re going to. That is a big part of what makes it feel crummy.

The Reckoning

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A time of reckoning. What does that mean? Not sure. When I first thought about it I saw it as a confrontation, a showdown, like the gunfight at the OK Corral.

Yeah, it feels confrontational, but not in the way I thought and not in the way I expected and not in the way we are taught a showdown is. There’s fear, but no foe. Yes, there is fear, but no foe. I am so used to a foe.
I almost don’t know how to function without one. I definintely don’t know how to have a reckoning without one, even an inner one.
That is part of the challenge. No foe. No me, the fighter, having to boost self, blow up my self esteem, my energy and tackle the fucker.

Taking action. What is the action you need to take? You know what it is. How many layers of fearful denial cloud your knowing?

It’s the icky feelings, the sinking into remembering that cause the cloud. Something hurt. Something hurt me. I don’t even really remember all of it, but it is there. Always pulling me back. Always giving me reasons to stay safe and not, do not, let it happen again. I mean how stupid would I be to let it happen again?

As for not knowing: maybe there was another planet in this solar system at another time. Some have called the planet Tiamat. Some have called it Maldek. I think they are the same.
It was destroyed. It was blown up. I do remember being on the planet as the destruction was on its way. Was it a weapon? A weaponized asteroid? Don’t know. I saw myself standing on a street corner in a Roman-esque type robe talking to a friend. I know her in this life. It was a casual chat. And hell was about to rain down.

Some trusted people I know have said that this planet’s destruction is a big if not the core trauma behind the fears many of us have. How the fuck would I know that? We thought our souls, our spiritual core, would die. We still do.

The Dark Night

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My life has been rough the last couple years. When I tell people about it – I don’t often – they usually don’t understand. “Why don’t you change it?” they ask. They don’t understand. That makes my life feel rougher.

Last weekend, I was talking to a friend about it. I said, “Sometimes the soul calls shots the ego does not like. The freedoms we normally experience aren’t there. We try, but things don’t happen, like as a way of life.”

My friend said the same thing another friend said in a similar conversation in November. “Maybe most people don’t experience that.”

It got me thinking a bit differently. First, I think some people do understand this subject, they are just not the ones crossing my path. There is a phenomena on the spiritual journey called “the dark night of the soul.” I can tell you for sure that the overwhelming majority of people do not accurately understand that process. Part of the reason for that is there is NO and I mean no societal reference point for it. When you experience it you are in the dark in more ways than one, including having no culture that understands it. Literally.

Thing is, everyone goes through it at some point as they complete their spiritual journey. Because of that, I have come to expect that people know what it is, that they have some kind of real-life reference point.

If they have experienced it maybe they regarded it “just” as a very difficult time? What I’m going through now is not the Dark Night. It has similarities, but it is not the same, though it sucks pretty much the same.
The Dark Night had distinct features. The inner life I had known to that point was gone. The “light” phenomena of consciousness – the way guidance occurred; the love exchange I had with what I then called God – was gone. In a way there was an energy that did present itself, but it was dark. Compared to the energy that was no longer there, it was blind.

Maybe I understand the Dark Night process more than others, but I think everyone should understand it to some degree. Am I wrong? They don’t seem to.

What it’s actually about

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This applies to more than money, but let’s focus on money. It has taken me ages to grasp that the behavior most people have around money stems from fear. The fear can have certain flavors – insecurity, greed, worry, compulsion, anger, stinginess – but I am discovering that the core driver of all these states is fear.

There are a million, billion justifications for this fear. I get it. I get how scary this subject feels. But none of the justifications are real. If you still your mind and question just one of the many beliefs you have about money, anchored in a (very) specific situation in your life, you will find that the issue is fear, not the money.

We think, “No! It is true. Look how much money I lost. Look how much other people have. Look how much I don’t have. What if I lose it all like ______? What if I end up on the streets?!!”
Yup. The ego is a trickster. On the issue of money, it will give you very real-seeming, terrifying scenarios. It will give you them in your mind’s eye over and over and over. Then you’ll hear more of the same on media. Then your spouse will echo them. Then your community. It all seems so real.

I grew up in what I describe as a Fear-Around-Money bootcamp. My home, my community. The conditioning was so intense. It seemed like everyone around me voiced the same beliefs and acted out the same behaviors, more or less. All were saturated with fear. Again, to one degree or another. My family was particularly fearful. Still, it can seem complicated because fear is what the society calls “common sense.”

It is still a fact in this world – for however long – that money or something of value to the buyer is what gets you necessities. Even if you live in the wilderness, as I do, unless you have free year-round food, water and heat, you still would need to be in perfect health your whole life and have no interests in anything that cost money to live something close to an effective money-free life. I could talk for hours about my thoughts on that subject, but the point for now is what is the consciousness you have towards money?

It is easy, easy, easy, easy to fool yourself. You have to have great courage and a willingness to face some icky, jagged, vulnerable-feeling states of mind and emotion without projecting them (onto other people, onto money, onto society) to uncover how you really regard it. You will face your true beliefs about what powers your life (hint: it is not God). You will question the nature of this Universe.

God is the Most Centralized of All

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Is that true? I suspect it is. God is an entity in a matrix. The god matrix. It is not the creator of all that is; it is not even the creator of this Universe. It did not create me. It is an entity on a massive cosmo-ego trip. And through its priestly caste of the ages and by their infiltration of most cultures on earth regardless of the nature of each religion and its unique insistence on obedience and worship, it has enslaved the minds and hearts of countless humans by manipulating our desire to love.

Our Fractal Nature ( huge in more ways than one)

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We are fractals. Universal fractals. Fractals are not aspects or an “aspect of” anything or anyone. Fractals are not a “part of” or a child-of. We are not aspects of a Creator. We are not children of God. We are infinite beings. Nothing exists beyond our infinite nature. I will repeat: We are not children of a God….any God.

We are the entirety in compressed form.

Contemplate this. If you contemplate it, you will likely realize you regard yourself, however subtley, as a piece, aspect, child, “part-of,” “member of.” You regard yourself this way in an existential sense. If you really “get” that you are the whole, the entirety, the infinite in compressed form, it will change your life.

The Blend

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How much do we want to be saved or just relieved?

I know I do. However, it is the unsexy work of what I call the “inner blend” that makes you able to go through the so-called “eye of the needle” and what we seek in our fantasies of saving and relief. Unsexy indeed.

Inner blend brings you to zero point. That is the transition point, but it is really no point at all.
It’s tough. To not have goals. But goals in this realm are ideologies and they end up distracting and – temporarily- blocking us. They are pleasant, they are bromides, but not ultimately useful.

What to do? Embrace those aspects of your self that feel too embarrassing, painful, bad and shameful. The ones you want to cast aside. The ones society & religion – both one big ideology – would tell you are bad and deserve to be cast aside. Those aspects they say need redemption and becoming “better than.”
All of that is internal splitting, division. Splitting is too big and discordant. It’s a big wave form. Big wave forms don’t get through the eye of the needle. Forget stories that say it is about material objects, like money, it is about aspects of self and how we relate to them.

Love collapses that wave form. The collapsed wave form is what descriptions like “the eye of the needle” and “zero point” seek to explain. Moving forward is about the quiet, subtle inner blend of all the aspects of self. The belligerent, the irritable, the greedy. Blend ’em. Blend them all.

The Isolation (& Assorted)

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It is cold in my yurt. Got the heat back on, but it has only risen to 57 F from 52. Fingers are cold as I type.
A couple fingers are swollen. Not from cold. Not sure from what. Saw my functional MD this summer and I had two underlying bacterial conditions, including chlamydia. I got it from a spider bite. Only Dr. Bill, my functional MD, would know that! Turns out some scientific dude studied spiders back in the day and cultured one of their mandibles (wtf?). He discovered chlamydia bacteria. So you don’t have to have sex with the spider. It just has to bite you.

I took kudzu for one of the infections. I think it was the chlamydia. One of the symptoms was swollen finger joints, which is what is happening again. I ordered some more kudzu. I’ll see if it helps with my finger joints. The pinky on the right hand has kind of blown up. Weird. They were feeling alot better until a couple days ago.

I was in Denver last weekend. Doing a class with Sharon, the beloved spiritual teacher. After class, during happy hour at the hotel, I was talking to Patricia. I’m not even sure exactly what I said, but expletives were flying out of my mouth. I am originally from New Jersey and have been known to sling a swear word or two. I think I was trying to articulate how disappointed and isolated I feel because almost no one seems to get what my life is about. And….that group there, my classmates – they should know better. So I think.

Truth be told, some of them might get it. They might be able to articulate an understanding of my life experience – the gist, the core of it – that would feel really satisfying to me. No one did so that weekend. Part of the problem of not only the way I currently live, but with society in general now is how isolated we are. Not only that, but our collective communication has been affected – for the poorer – from the Algo culture (Technical/Artificial Intelligence world, culture). I don’t even understand it all. I don’t want to. I just know Algo shapes communication and perception: we feel more separate and worse.

I felt icky after talking to Patricia. Even though swearing happens out of my mouth, I don’t feel good afterwards, especially if it has caught me off-guard, which this did….completely. I am sitting with the aftermath of the conversation, discerning what I need to be more conscious of. It is this: I feel isolated. It stresses me. I greatly wish people understood and appreciated what I’m doing with my life and why I’m doing it. I write this blog in hopes of helping with that. To be honest, it is the best I can do. I have almost no patience for explaining my life. I speak up, but am also quiet alot.

Too often people see it in the old way. Try to fit it into old narratives. Matrix-created narratives of meritocracy and their own unconscious ego action. So much unconscious ego trancing: “This feels pleasurable and safe. It is good. This does not. It is bad.” It is a trance folks.

I feel impatient. Everything will change on this planet and then people will be living their own profound change and transformation. They will have no choice. Some are doing that now. I know some of them. Still most people seem to be choosing comfort, the known and stagnation.