A time of reckoning. What does that mean? Not sure. When I first thought about it I saw it as a confrontation, a showdown, like the gunfight at the OK Corral.
Yeah, it feels confrontational, but not in the way I thought and not in the way I expected and not in the way we are taught a showdown is. There’s fear, but no foe. Yes, there is fear, but no foe. I am so used to a foe. I almost don’t know how to function without one. I definintely don’t know how to have a reckoning without one, even an inner one. That is part of the challenge. No foe. No me, the fighter, having to boost self, blow up my self esteem, my energy and tackle the fucker.
Taking action. What is the action you need to take? You know what it is. How many layers of fearful denial cloud your knowing?
It’s the icky feelings, the sinking into remembering that cause the cloud. Something hurt. Something hurt me. I don’t even really remember all of it, but it is there. Always pulling me back. Always giving me reasons to stay safe and not, do not, let it happen again. I mean how stupid would I be to let it happen again?
As for not knowing: maybe there was another planet in this solar system at another time. Some have called the planet Tiamat. Some have called it Maldek. I think they are the same. It was destroyed. It was blown up. I do remember being on the planet as the destruction was on its way. Was it a weapon? A weaponized asteroid? Don’t know. I saw myself standing on a street corner in a Roman-esque type robe talking to a friend. I know her in this life. It was a casual chat. And hell was about to rain down.
Some trusted people I know have said that this planet’s destruction is a big if not the core trauma behind the fears many of us have. How the fuck would I know that? We thought our souls, our spiritual core, would die. We still do.
My life has been rough the last couple years. When I tell people about it – I don’t often – they usually don’t understand. “Why don’t you change it?” they ask. They don’t understand. That makes my life feel rougher.
Last weekend, I was talking to a friend about it. I said, “Sometimes the soul calls shots the ego does not like. The freedoms we normally experience aren’t there. We try, but things don’t happen, like as a way of life.”
My friend said the same thing another friend said in a similar conversation in November. “Maybe most people don’t experience that.”
It got me thinking a bit differently. First, I think some people do understand this subject, they are just not the ones crossing my path. There is a phenomena on the spiritual journey called “the dark night of the soul.” I can tell you for sure that the overwhelming majority of people do not accurately understand that process. Part of the reason for that is there is NO and I mean no societal reference point for it. When you experience it you are in the dark in more ways than one, including having no culture that understands it. Literally.
Thing is, everyone goes through it at some point as they complete their spiritual journey. Because of that, I have come to expect that people know what it is, that they have some kind of real-life reference point.
If they have experienced it maybe they regarded it “just” as a very difficult time? What I’m going through now is not the Dark Night. It has similarities, but it is not the same, though it sucks pretty much the same. The Dark Night had distinct features. The inner life I had known to that point was gone. The “light” phenomena of consciousness – the way guidance occurred; the love exchange I had with what I then called God – was gone. In a way there was an energy that did present itself, but it was dark. Compared to the energy that was no longer there, it was blind.
Maybe I understand the Dark Night process more than others, but I think everyone should understand it to some degree. Am I wrong? They don’t seem to.
I am mulling over offering some coaching sessions for people whose infrastructure way of life has shifted dramatically due to things like fires, floods, job losses/changes, cost of living, etc., and are interested in looking at the inner transformational aspect of that experience. Folks who are open to seeing their experience of radical change as good prep for the shifts that are to come on Earth and for all humanity.
Yes, this prep involves dealing with the so-called outer changes, but it is not ultimately about that. It is about the massive changes you experience within yourself that prep you. You train yourself to have a wiser relationship to the unknown. Most of us have a dysfunctional relationship to the unknown. Those who can flow better between the known and unknown will have a much easier time in the coming years.
As this blog has chronicled, I have experienced (and am experiencing) massive changes to my way of life the last few years and especially the last two+ years since we moved to the Mesa. It is a difficult but unparalleled path of inner change. “Path”. doesn’t quite feel like the right word. The experience is more like being plunged into freezing cold water repeatedly. It is jarring. It is jarring frequently. But if your soul wants you to be on the wisdom fast track and wants you align with its deeper agenda quickly, there are few better ways. You have no choice but to try to swim. Yet you don’t know how. Not in this water. Or so it seems. Therein lies the accelerated alchemy and swimming in uncharted water.
….I am stuck on this blog entry. That is because the subject is still not fully formed in my mind. Here are some terms I have so far:
Infinite way of being Decentralization Mitochondria Heart essence Ego Intellect
I have been learning about mitochondrial health from Dr. Jack Kruse. He describes himself as “decentralized.” He practices decentralized medicine. He is a huge proponent of Bitcoin.
I am also a fan of someone named Jonathan MacDonald. He is into a variety of things, including spirituality and one of his creations (co-creations) is a decentralized crypto platform called “Minima.”
The work of both these men and George Kavassilas got me thinking about life, health, money and spirituality from this particular vantage point. It is intriguing.
My bias is always toward spirituality and how to be completely free within. It is the real pearl beyond price because inner freedom, like that exemplified by Byron Katie, gives you the only real freedom worth having, the only real freedom that exists: complete, total freedom from fear and attachment. Any attachment. Katie would experience the same peaceful state of being whether she was a queen in a castle or an un-housed woman in her underwear on the street with people who used to be her friends spitting on her. I get tears in my eyes thinking about her. How do you describe this beauty? It is the only true freedom.
That being said, I am still on the path to this and have not arrived yet. If I were un-housed on the street with friends spitting on me I would feel so deeply hopeless and despondent I would want to die. Yes, I’m still on the path.
So the inner part of the decentralization, which GK would call the Heart Essence, has something to do with shifting our way of being and what one turns to within – to something decentralized. Not the ego. Not an imagined center, including every societal, conditioned, imagined identity and self-image we have. It’s so subtle. It is undramatic and beyond-radically different. I’m still trying to understand it. I’m still trying to live it.
Some TV show used to title their episodes this way. It might have been “Friends.” I am digging deep into new material and contemplations. The big one is that God is part of the matrix. A big one, that. It makes sense. How can we be fully sovereign beings and also be created by any entity? Be its child? It gives us permanent, existential “child” status.
I watch waves of terror erupt inside me at this thought. I am it. I am the one I’ve been waiting for. Both my venerated spiritual teachers have said this for years. Today I panic at that idea. And I watch myself grasp for something “other” to depend on, lean on. I KNOW I am not alone in this. Somehow that is a comfort, though in the grand scheme it matters not at all.
Today, I will take what comfort I can find without reinstating God or any God-like construct in my consciousness and life. The only thing that is changing is my thought about reality, not the underlying reality itself. Small comfort today as I panic.
Lord have mercy. I am working on an old iMac and it is so slow I want to pull my hair out. There is a widespread machine failure, dysfunction going on in my life. My laptop dying last Fall was part of that wave. That wave has been active for over a year now. Wow. God love my friend Susan for giving me her 2103 iMac so I could type on something, but bless it, it is slow. What does this ongoing wave of machine failure mean?
To be honest, I do not know with any certainty. I must admit, recently, after the brand new solar system completely failed and died, for a moment I felt like I was being targeted, like energetically, but that passed. I must stay out of that kind of thinking. It is useless and puts me in twisted “inner” territory. Mostly I feel abandoned by God and snubbed by my soul. Since I see my soul as the causal factor in my life, feeling snubbed by it is a problem. There are so many crazymaking aspects to this time in my life, feeling at odds or victimized by my soul is just one of them. It’s not as serious as it sounds meaning I do ultimately trust my soul, but I am leary of its messaging at the moment. (Ha).
I have alot to say today after having little for months. I will probably break it up into different posts. I will (try to) go back to some of the challenges of this in-between time. The time between worlds.
Machines are breaking. As I’ve said in many posts, everything on this planet, in our world will change down to the last blade of grass. When I first heard my teacher say that it hit home because I knew it. I knew it intuitively, with all my cells. It is the truth within me. The “what” of what will change has been a 50 yr educational process with some of the more difficult, sickening details of it only becoming clear or clearer the last 3-4 years. That’s where the bad fiction comes in. Thirty years ago I wrote: “This world is all fiction. Unfortunately it is bad fiction.” If you are going to create a world of duality and form, why not make it a pleasant world. Just like if you are going to write a story, why not make it a happy one? Especially when that story is a reality people live in. Yes, duality can suck, but it doesn’t have to suck the way it does in our world at the moment.
OK back to the dying machines. Everything will change, so machines will change too. My intuition tells me none of the machines we currently use will exist in the ascended Earth. It is a completely different field of consciousness, physics and form (hallelujah). So as this world dismantles, things will start to not work or maybe disappear…or both!
How much of my current life is a product of the dismantling of this existing reality? Not sure. If it were up to me we’d move quickly and smoothly from one dimensional world to the next, but instead there is this insanely long in-between time going on. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things it is merciful, but to me it is not. So there is this long in-between time when you …I’ll speak for myself here, when I have to live in this world when I’m beyond (!) ready for the 5D one, but I still depend on the current world’s machines, economy, infrastructure, vehicles, much of which have been failing. The worst of it is that it feels scary. And yes, I admit that if I boil down that fear it is not only a fear of death or disability, but even, as I heard someone say recently, the soul fearing its own annihilation. I didn’t know souls did that, but I trust the source and I know that the worst of what I’m feeling when things fall apart is a kind of terror.
The real freedom is within. Nothing….no thing….in the apparent external world has to change for you to be utterly, completely free right this moment. But something internal has to. The internal reality most of us experience is “apparent” too, but not to me…not yet.
Recently I was talking with a friend about ascension. There are aspects I probably cannot articulate yet, but I have known for a long time that part of the process is that the soul releases its identification with form. That does not means we die. We are so trained to equate form with physical life, but that’s part of the problem. The spiritual release and dropping the identification of form (which is so much more than the physical body) is an act of soul and consciousness. It sounds airy-fairy and unrelated to the nuts and bolts of life, but it is neither. It IS profoundly practical and just profound overall.
I longed for this state for most of my life. I studied it. If anyone who experienced it wrote about it, I read it their accounts. I used to be a walking encyclopedia of written spiritual accounts of humans who had awakened to non-duality, soul freedom, ascension. After decades of inquiry, I concluded the shift is an act of grace. If fervor, longing, sincere desire, intuitive knowing, etc., could cause this state, I would have experienced it many times over. I can’t say that none of that matters, because maybe it does and it doesn’t matter anyway because once you have a taste for it, you cannot let it go and you long for that freedom. We long for it because we know it is our true state. But what pulls the final lever of awakening? It seems to be the soul. The human cannot cause it.
I do Zoom calls with Byron Katie almost every week and have done so for over four year. BK is an awakened human. She does not describe herself that way, which is all the more telling of her authenticity, so these are my words and my experience of her. She too has said that her “experience on the floor” (see any of her books to know how she woke up on the floor one morning and nothing was the same) was an act of grace.
To those of you who have kept up with all the comings and goings with my blog site, thank you! So much is in flux, including my tech and web stuff, that things like websites and blog sites seem to be there one minute and gone the next.
What is on my mind today, is the wintery-ness of the spiritual journey. It feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it? I’m going through a wintery period and it feels very challenging. It’s all for spiritual and soul freedom which has been the fundamental passion of my life. But it is a passion that kind of kills all passion.
That probably sounds very depressing, but if our core is spiritual, silent and immovable, it is a different state than passion, as desirable and delicious as passion can feel. If true Spirit calls to you then you know there is nothing….nothing you can do to resist its call. At least nothing ultimately. We usually put all sorts of fillers in to distract ourselves and slow the distress that we might feel from the tension between the powerful ego and the Spirit. As dear teacher Byron Katie says, “Love kills everything but itself.” It can feel surprising – and is not for the faint of heart- to see how much of what we think we love is infused with other non-love elements within ourselves. It is ALL and only within ourselves. Nothing needs to be manipulated in the apparent outside world. Letting those elements within ourselves that feel good, but may not be pure (not my fave word, but will use it for now) love be consumed in our genuine love of Spirit can feel like a kind of death.
If you are not called by Spirit, all of this can – and probably does – sound awful and useless. Well, it can feel awful, but it is not useless. It is, however, for the courageous. I commend those of you out there willing to let the Love of Spirit, the Divine, consume everything but Itself. From my heart I send you Love.
In our galaxy, there is a Galactic Senate. It has 300,000 members and humans of Earth are not on it. We are not on it, because we have not shown we are worthy of being in this Senate. Let me be clear, by “worthy” I mean, we have not shown we are spiritually-advanced enough to be selected. But the truth is we are spiritually-advanced enough, we just need to demonstrate it. We need to stop fighting, hating and letting lower frequencies and the “bad actors” that use them control our thoughts, emotions and behaviors. We ARE ready for this. Let’s show it.
Here is a statement some folks created this weekend to present to the Galactic Senate:
“We respectfully request representation based upon our unique experience and diversity. We, as the sovereign human, express a blueprint as spirit in form, to demonstrate love, wisdom, courage and the integrity to evolve beyond the cosmos. We are ready!”
Inner Tools™ Blog: Times of Intense Rapid Shifts 