Category Archives: The Now

I seem so slow

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There is no Shangri-la. Well, to be honest, I think there is, but it is not our destination as universal fractals. Our destination is not a destination as we understand it. It is within each of us and we are already there. It is not a swoony place like Shangri-la. Because of that it can be easy to miss. It is subtle and, like Dorothy discovered at that end of “The Wizard of Oz,” we are already home. We always have been.

Our minds have been deeply programmed to believe in hierarchies and ideologies, like Shangri-la. Bigger, better, out there, up there, reach & strive for, you’re not it – something else is. Hollywood has played a big part in the programming. We are always looking for bigger, better, out there, sexy, candy.

Years ago I was a participant in an online money mindset group coached by a 28 yr old woman named Laura. It was a humbling experience to be Laura’s student. I was in my 50’s at the time. It took me a minute to alter my mindset about age and wisdom (ha). Laura coached on shifting & releasing limiting inner thought-programs about money and having that shift materialize in the outer world. She understood something about the nature of money that I desperately wanted to understand, but could not quite grasp. The nature of money seemed so set in stone to me.

I felt like young Helen Keller in the movie, “The Miracle Worker,” I saw as a child. As many know, Helen Keller was deaf and blind. In the film, Helen’s teacher, Annie, tries to teach Helen sign language. She furiously makes signs into Helen’s hands hoping she will connect the strange hand movements to the real-world objects they represent, like water. Helen just doesn’t get it. Until… one day she does. By some grace she makes the electric connection that the weird hand movements are a language that Helen finally speaks.

When Coach Laura used to speak about her money insights I felt like Helen before she understood signing. It was just beyond my grasp. Lately, though, I’m starting to get it. It is dawning. It has been many years. I feel slow! It’s about life being a dream and choosing which thoughts, feelings and accompanying sensations we entertain. But first, we must confront the painful beliefs we think are real. As that emptying occurs, there is a freedom to choose. We can choose better stories about money or anything else.

This might sound like positive thinking or affirmations, but it is not. It is about emptying out the life-illusion and embracing the charged “bits” inside ourselves enough to see that this is a game and we are not bound by any memory, history, ideology or identity. Positive thinking can be a big defense mechanism. You have to know yourself well enough to discern how you are using it.

Up until the time we start to experience more choice, we live in ideologies, identities, memories and believe them, often wholeheartedly. Not a problem. If you believe something is real how can you also not believe it is real? It is an evolutionary process.

Two other wise women I work with know that our Universe is benevolent. It’s not a belief for them, it is something they know. I feel slow here too, but am starting to trust it. I still have my moments when I’m pretty dang sure the universe is out to get me, but there is more space around that lately too.

If it is true that the universe is friendly by nature, then I am free to accept alternative interpretations about life and life events. There have been alot of so-called negative life events the past few years, but that too is a point of view.

The Isolation (& Assorted)

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It is cold in my yurt. Got the heat back on, but it has only risen to 57 F from 52. Fingers are cold as I type.
A couple fingers are swollen. Not from cold. Not sure from what. Saw my functional MD this summer and I had two underlying bacterial conditions, including chlamydia. I got it from a spider bite. Only Dr. Bill, my functional MD, would know that! Turns out some scientific dude studied spiders back in the day and cultured one of their mandibles (wtf?). He discovered chlamydia bacteria. So you don’t have to have sex with the spider. It just has to bite you.

I took kudzu for one of the infections. I think it was the chlamydia. One of the symptoms was swollen finger joints, which is what is happening again. I ordered some more kudzu. I’ll see if it helps with my finger joints. The pinky on the right hand has kind of blown up. Weird. They were feeling alot better until a couple days ago.

I was in Denver last weekend. Doing a class with Sharon, the beloved spiritual teacher. After class, during happy hour at the hotel, I was talking to Patricia. I’m not even sure exactly what I said, but expletives were flying out of my mouth. I am originally from New Jersey and have been known to sling a swear word or two. I think I was trying to articulate how disappointed and isolated I feel because almost no one seems to get what my life is about. And….that group there, my classmates – they should know better. So I think.

Truth be told, some of them might get it. They might be able to articulate an understanding of my life experience – the gist, the core of it – that would feel really satisfying to me. No one did so that weekend. Part of the problem of not only the way I currently live, but with society in general now is how isolated we are. Not only that, but our collective communication has been affected – for the poorer – from the Algo culture (Technical/Artificial Intelligence world, culture). I don’t even understand it all. I don’t want to. I just know Algo shapes communication and perception: we feel more separate and worse.

I felt icky after talking to Patricia. Even though swearing happens out of my mouth, I don’t feel good afterwards, especially if it has caught me off-guard, which this did….completely. I am sitting with the aftermath of the conversation, discerning what I need to be more conscious of. It is this: I feel isolated. It stresses me. I greatly wish people understood and appreciated what I’m doing with my life and why I’m doing it. I write this blog in hopes of helping with that. To be honest, it is the best I can do. I have almost no patience for explaining my life. I speak up, but am also quiet alot.

Too often people see it in the old way. Try to fit it into old narratives. Matrix-created narratives of meritocracy and their own unconscious ego action. So much unconscious ego trancing: “This feels pleasurable and safe. It is good. This does not. It is bad.” It is a trance folks.

I feel impatient. Everything will change on this planet and then people will be living their own profound change and transformation. They will have no choice. Some are doing that now. I know some of them. Still most people seem to be choosing comfort, the known and stagnation.

More on The Good Emergency: Earth in Transition

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One of my favorite quotes from the last year came from an interview with Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, the ex-wife of Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. When asked what her younger self thought about her future, she responded, “I don’t make many plans. I’ve trained my brain to deal with uncertainty more. The brain doesn’t like uncertainty. Stress is a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment.”

I relate well to her words as I have had to examine my relationship to the unknown more than I would have predicted or liked the last two years.

When the rug got pulled from my old life in 2019-2020, I ventured into deeply new inner and outer territory. What drove me was an inner knowing that everything on planet Earth was going to change profoundly.

When the sudden changes came in my own life, I knew it was time for a radical departure from the known world into a life that would – hopefully – be a bridge to the unprecedented reality about to unfold on Earth.

The Earth itself has ascended to the 5th Dimension. Humanity is living in a transition version of the old 3rd dimensional world we all know and (many) think is the only reality that exists….in the entire Cosmos! We have been taught to believe that.

Each density or dimension has very different characteristics, somewhat like different countries having very different customs, language, geography, etc. The change from our old 3rd dimension to the 5th dimension will be radical because the 5th has its own structure (much bigger than 3rd), laws, physics and relationship to duality and it bears no resemblance to our old 3D world.

The other striking thing about this transition from 3D to 5D will be the complete falling away of the system of control that has taken root on our planet for many years. This system of control shapes almost everything we experience in our lives. Just this one fact, the absence of it, will dramatically change our world as we know it. Add to that the ascension into higher dimensions and you have the unprecedented world we are moving into. It is a great time for each of us to challenge our relationship to the unknown and make it more relaxed. We will need that skill. It may seem like the changes I’m talking about will take hundreds of years, but they will not. They will take mere months and years.

It is hard to know exactly what the transition will look like. I would say, though hopefully not to confuse anyone, that in some ways and only in some ways, the lockdown of the pandemic in 2020 was a primer. It was a primer in that almost everything in our world shifted immediately. Everyone had to turn on a dime. This was an incredibly valuable experience. It taught us that the reality we have been lead to believe was absolute and immutable can change in an instant.

Things on Earth will change, but this time we will not be going back to “normal.” This fact might feel very jarring to some. It might feel like an emergency.

Conventionally we experience an emergency when: 1) something sudden and painful is happening; 2) there is usually some form of destruction and we mobilize (like crazy) to eliminate the pain and return to normal, even if that process takes years.

If you extract the painful part and the focus on returning to normal (the two are often very connected), we can call an emergency “good” as there are admirable qualities an emergency brings out. Here are some:

1. Everyone involved knows it is happening (this is key).

2. Time changes. We don’t think much about it because we are too busy acting.

3. We just act. Our thoughts become utilitarian, we do not have time to overanalyze (or snipe on social media or do much of anything on social media, especially if it no longer exists!). We are completely immersed in the process.

4. Our resistance lessens or disappears. There is simply no time for it.

5. What we think we need changes radically.

6. We don’t stand around judging others. We act together.

As our world shifts, you can see how these qualities will be essential. I do not think digital anything is active in the 5th dimension, but there will likely be a transition from our insane dependence on it now to its disappearance. As the transition really gets underway, people will likely be acting in-person in more local communities (will be radically new for younger people).

The old world will not be returning. There will be no “normal” to go back to. It will seem scary for awhile. Time to bring in your better relationship to the unknown. It might feel like an emergency, but it is a good, a great emergency.

We will all be a crucial part of a magnificent transformation. It will have positive reverberations for our entire Universe, which we have yet to meet! There will be great celebration in the cosmos as humanity is freed from the controlling entities and systems that have held it in bondage for ages and the Earth and its inhabitants ascend into spiritual greatness and take their rightful place as fully free cosmic citizens.

Are you ready to rock and roll? We got this!

Bad Fiction

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This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is pexels-killian-eon-1185568-2635595.jpg

Lord have mercy. I am working on an old iMac and it is so slow I want to pull my hair out. There is a widespread machine failure, dysfunction going on in my life. My laptop dying last Fall was part of that wave. That wave has been active for over a year now. Wow.
God love my friend Susan for giving me her 2103 iMac so I could type on something, but bless it, it is slow.
What does this ongoing wave of machine failure mean?

To be honest, I do not know with any certainty. I must admit, recently, after the brand new solar system completely failed and died, for a moment I felt like I was being targeted, like energetically, but that passed. I must stay out of that kind of thinking. It is useless and puts me in twisted “inner” territory. Mostly I feel abandoned by God and snubbed by my soul. Since I see my soul as the causal factor in my life, feeling snubbed by it is a problem. There are so many crazymaking aspects to this time in my life, feeling at odds or victimized by my soul is just one of them. It’s not as serious as it sounds meaning I do ultimately trust my soul, but I am leary of its messaging at the moment. (Ha).

I have alot to say today after having little for months. I will probably break it up into different posts. I will (try to) go back to some of the challenges of this in-between time. The time between worlds.

Machines are breaking. As I’ve said in many posts, everything on this planet, in our world will change down to the last blade of grass. When I first heard my teacher say that it hit home because I knew it. I knew it intuitively, with all my cells. It is the truth within me. The “what” of what will change has been a 50 yr educational process with some of the more difficult, sickening details of it only becoming clear or clearer the last 3-4 years. That’s where the bad fiction comes in. Thirty years ago I wrote: “This world is all fiction. Unfortunately it is bad fiction.” If you are going to create a world of duality and form, why not make it a pleasant world. Just like if you are going to write a story, why not make it a happy one? Especially when that story is a reality people live in. Yes, duality can suck, but it doesn’t have to suck the way it does in our world at the moment.

OK back to the dying machines. Everything will change, so machines will change too. My intuition tells me none of the machines we currently use will exist in the ascended Earth. It is a completely different field of consciousness, physics and form (hallelujah). So as this world dismantles, things will start to not work or maybe disappear…or both!

How much of my current life is a product of the dismantling of this existing reality? Not sure. If it were up to me we’d move quickly and smoothly from one dimensional world to the next, but instead there is this insanely long in-between time going on.
Perhaps in the grand scheme of things it is merciful, but to me it is not. So there is this long in-between time when you …I’ll speak for myself here, when I have to live in this world when I’m beyond (!) ready for the 5D one, but I still depend on the current world’s machines, economy, infrastructure, vehicles, much of which have been failing. The worst of it is that it feels scary. And yes, I admit that if I boil down that fear it is not only a fear of death or disability, but even, as I heard someone say recently, the soul fearing its own annihilation. I didn’t know souls did that, but I trust the source and I know that the worst of what I’m feeling when things fall apart is a kind of terror.

It is an Unprecendented Earth After All

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As for the Earth we are bringing in. It is not a reset, a recreation, a renewal, new Yuga. No more “re” anything. No more Yugas here.

It is: unprecedented, multi-dimensional, ascended. New. Never before.

Time to shed all history, borrowed ideas, identities and attachments, which are possibly 100% of what we currently experience or close to it.

You ARE It (more…)

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She must have said it a thousand times.
I’ve tuned into her class almost every week since May of 2020, sometimes three times a week, but I never got it the way I did last week: “Any time you feel stressed, depressed or feel unease of any kind, it is because of what you are thinking and believing. It is only because of that.”

Your thoughts. My thoughts. The way to freedom is within us. We’ve got the power.

Her suggestion: write the thoughts down on paper (or the app) and in a state of silent inquiry, question them.

I can hear the audience pushback now:

  • But bad things happen
  • He/she is the cause of my stress/ heartbreak/anger
  • If I don’t like someone, it’s clearly about them
  • I can’t control my thoughts
  • it’s YOU causing me stress!

I get it. Experientially, I can relate to all the objections. But I also know that when a stressful thought disappears into the silence of the One, the heart emerges from the cloud cover and beams. It soaks my world in sweet kindness. It feels realer than real.

In my lived experience, I vacillate. Intuitively? I know unconditional inner freedom is real. Getting to that unperturbable place as a state of being? Well, that is the game here. That is the school most of us are in.

Spiritual Destruction

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We are in times of change here on planet Earth. We are actually behind the times, so everything that is happening now is overdue. Yet, alot of it feels pretty sucky. I understand. If you’re read some of my blog posts about my current life circumstances – have I mentioned the composting toilet yet? – you will know I understand.

What few people have yet to understand is that if the rug is pulled out from your life – it can take many forms – your soul is throwing down the gauntlet to the human “you.” (“Throwing down that gauntlet”: to challenge or confront someone). It is challenging you to grow beyond what was comfortable and known. Yes, it feels uncomfortable and maybe terrifying, but it is about your growth and you do not have to know what that growth will look like.
I’ve said it many times: comfort is nice. I’m a big fan. But it is not the goal of life. It is not a sign that you are a good person, living a good life. Ultimately, it is a state of mind and our challenge is to live beyond mind states and in the naked belly of Reality.

The soul is causal, it is creative, so it’s not a stroke of bad luck or punishment if the rug gets pulled out from your life. I understand it probably feels that way and I understand that many…many….people around you and in the media (for example, if you experienced a large scale weather disaster and there is media coverage) may frame it that way, but that’s just a frame, it is not reality and here is the key: it’s all in the frame. That’s the most important point: it’s all in the frame and your state of mind.

You grieve what you feel you’ve lost and at the same time you ask yourself: what will I do now, this moment, this next moment. You get on with it. And you find comfort and pleasure each day however you can, realizing that it is not the goal of your life. It’s not. Growth is. No matter what.

New times are coming and I suspect they will be marvelous, but they require us to get out of our comfort zones. So-called comfort zones are internal, first, then we attach those mind states (the feelings, the images) to circumstances. If your circumstances have shifted radically and quickly – congratulations, you are being called to grow intensely. You are ahead of the curve.

You have accepted the challenge. Now, you must rise to it. You’re up for it. You’ve got this.

And We’re Off!

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I heard from a trusted source that the Golden Age of Earth (and Humanity) was supposed to start in 1899. That was almost 125 years ago. Why didn’t it?

That is a long story and alot of it is still hidden. I disclose some of what I know, there is alot I don’t know, from time to time on this blog. My only purpose in sharing this info – ONLY – is to inform anyone reading this blog that we are not the manipulated human or planet we have been led to believe. We ARE vast and unlimited. We are that. We are literally built for spiritually vast and unlimited. In form. In the very form and life you inhabit right here, right now.

The skill used by those forces who have sought to enslave humanity are considerable in terms of trickery. They have mislead us in form (DNA), in thought and even in soul. The reality we think is real is mostly not. The beliefs we hold and the physical reality we see and live in, are mostly a sleight of hand.

Because of that trickery and our relative naivite (or innocence), the unfolding of the next Golden Age was kept hidden from us. Hidden in plain sight.

No matter. After you know (enough of) the truth about the trickery, it isn’t impressive in any true sense. If you were really good at something and you used that skill to manipulate living beings and cause them suffering, would that be impressive? You would be skilled, but not impressive. Misguided and pathetic perhaps. So don’t get lost in the details of how humanity has been hoodwinked. These details aren’t worth any more of your time than what you need to know to break the spell. That’s the key: breaking the spell.

Breaking the spell. Hearing that all the good stuff was supposed to start unfolding over 100 years ago helps me break more of the spell. There are old, ingrained thoughtforms about spiritual realities being difficult to actualize, only for adepts and masters, needing to be kept secret, requiring pain and suffering and more. These are spells. Maybe they were facts in the past, but we’re in a new game now, so believing them will only create hindrances. Don’t fall for them. Bringing forth a highly spiritually advanced world will not take a long time and requires no pain and suffering. It was supposed to happen over a hundred years ago. Time is up. Time is here. Finally!

The New Dark

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There is a new energy for use on the planet.  Some are calling it Dark energy, like dark matter or black hole energy.  We have negative associations with the Dark in our world, but our challenge is to dissociate the Dark energy with those beliefs.  Those beliefs may have been originally propagated to dissuade us from welcoming and integrating the Dark energy.

Some are saying the old grid – the Light grid – is dead.  Maybe it is.  I am not sure.  I know it is not as solid as it has been (for ages!) and soon will not be predominant in the way it was, but I don’t know if it is gone altogether.  It can feel like it is gone or disappeared, though.

We have been preparing for this shift for  ?? probably a long time.  It has been slow in coming.  I look at how young people communicate – condensing words to a few letters or one image (emoji) – and I see them cultivating (the beginnings of) Dark communication.

The Dark is not negative – in the sense we usually think, like bad – it is just different.  It has different physics and therefore requires new skills from the individual.  This can feel disorienting, sad (because the old way is gone) and scary (because we fear the unknown).

Dimensionality

One difference between the old Light grid and the new Dark energy (don’t know if the Dark will become a grid? [doesn’t seem to be its nature] or blend with a Light grid to form something entirely new?) is in what can be termed “dimensionality.”   It is this dimensionality that gives “room” for the Shadow consciousness (the fears, doubts, worry) to exist.

For example, if you have a sense of futurity – if you believe in a future – this creates a kind of dimensional creation/form in your reality.  It is similar to the image below, except it is your consciousness creating the form: in this case a “future.”  If you believe/create a future and a past, you can then worry about it.  That is where the shadow comes in.  If there is no arc of time – an imagined future and past – there literally is no room for shadow: worry.  There is only the Now.  The Now is not the same – or in any way like – the imagined future and past.

Consciousness First

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Business “how-to’s” are important, but far less important than most people think.  Business strategies are given power they do not possess.  The power of your business is in your consciousness.

Work on your inner state, especially self-compassion and self-love.  Your inner state is the most powerful business tool.

You become magnetic to what you desire, including the business you love and all its mechanics.