Tag Archives: awakening

Bad Fiction

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Lord have mercy. I am working on an old iMac and it is so slow I want to pull my hair out. There is a widespread machine failure, dysfunction going on in my life. My laptop dying last Fall was part of that wave. That wave has been active for over a year now. Wow.
God love my friend Susan for giving me her 2103 iMac so I could type on something, but bless it, it is slow.
What does this ongoing wave of machine failure mean?

To be honest, I do not know with any certainty. I must admit, recently, after the brand new solar system completely failed and died, for a moment I felt like I was being targeted, like energetically, but that passed. I must stay out of that kind of thinking. It is useless and puts me in twisted “inner” territory. Mostly I feel abandoned by God and snubbed by my soul. Since I see my soul as the causal factor in my life, feeling snubbed by it is a problem. There are so many crazymaking aspects to this time in my life, feeling at odds or victimized by my soul is just one of them. It’s not as serious as it sounds meaning I do ultimately trust my soul, but I am leary of its messaging at the moment. (Ha).

I have alot to say today after having little for months. I will probably break it up into different posts. I will (try to) go back to some of the challenges of this in-between time. The time between worlds.

Machines are breaking. As I’ve said in many posts, everything on this planet, in our world will change down to the last blade of grass. When I first heard my teacher say that it hit home because I knew it. I knew it intuitively, with all my cells. It is the truth within me. The “what” of what will change has been a 50 yr educational process with some of the more difficult, sickening details of it only becoming clear or clearer the last 3-4 years. That’s where the bad fiction comes in. Thirty years ago I wrote: “This world is all fiction. Unfortunately it is bad fiction.” If you are going to create a world of duality and form, why not make it a pleasant world. Just like if you are going to write a story, why not make it a happy one? Especially when that story is a reality people live in. Yes, duality can suck, but it doesn’t have to suck the way it does in our world at the moment.

OK back to the dying machines. Everything will change, so machines will change too. My intuition tells me none of the machines we currently use will exist in the ascended Earth. It is a completely different field of consciousness, physics and form (hallelujah). So as this world dismantles, things will start to not work or maybe disappear…or both!

How much of my current life is a product of the dismantling of this existing reality? Not sure. If it were up to me we’d move quickly and smoothly from one dimensional world to the next, but instead there is this insanely long in-between time going on.
Perhaps in the grand scheme of things it is merciful, but to me it is not. So there is this long in-between time when you …I’ll speak for myself here, when I have to live in this world when I’m beyond (!) ready for the 5D one, but I still depend on the current world’s machines, economy, infrastructure, vehicles, much of which have been failing. The worst of it is that it feels scary. And yes, I admit that if I boil down that fear it is not only a fear of death or disability, but even, as I heard someone say recently, the soul fearing its own annihilation. I didn’t know souls did that, but I trust the source and I know that the worst of what I’m feeling when things fall apart is a kind of terror.

Real Freedom

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The real freedom is within. Nothing….no thing….in the apparent external world has to change for you to be utterly, completely free right this moment. But something internal has to. The internal reality most of us experience is “apparent” too, but not to me…not yet.

Recently I was talking with a friend about ascension. There are aspects I probably cannot articulate yet, but I have known for a long time that part of the process is that the soul releases its identification with form. That does not means we die. We are so trained to equate form with physical life, but that’s part of the problem. The spiritual release and dropping the identification of form (which is so much more than the physical body) is an act of soul and consciousness. It sounds airy-fairy and unrelated to the nuts and bolts of life, but it is neither. It IS profoundly practical and just profound overall.

I longed for this state for most of my life. I studied it. If anyone who experienced it wrote about it, I read it their accounts. I used to be a walking encyclopedia of written spiritual accounts of humans who had awakened to non-duality, soul freedom, ascension. After decades of inquiry, I concluded the shift is an act of grace. If fervor, longing, sincere desire, intuitive knowing, etc., could cause this state, I would have experienced it many times over. I can’t say that none of that matters, because maybe it does and it doesn’t matter anyway because once you have a taste for it, you cannot let it go and you long for that freedom. We long for it because we know it is our true state. But what pulls the final lever of awakening? It seems to be the soul. The human cannot cause it.

I do Zoom calls with Byron Katie almost every week and have done so for over four year. BK is an awakened human. She does not describe herself that way, which is all the more telling of her authenticity, so these are my words and my experience of her. She too has said that her “experience on the floor” (see any of her books to know how she woke up on the floor one morning and nothing was the same) was an act of grace.