Tag Archives: shadowalchemy

We Are the Disclosure, but…..

Posted on by
Reply

Lately I’ve been hearing a similar thing from sources I trust. They are saying we, the humans on Earth, are the impediment to full disclosure. It is not the organizations, governments, secret space programs, cabal, it is us. We have not integrated fully enough to handle the frequencies that disclosure will require.

Others would say we have not raised our vibration or raised our frequency enough. I won’t say that. It is a matter of integration, not ascending. We humans have endured and internalized aeons of conditioning about hierarchies, including the god matrix. Without our belief that we are less than, no hierarchical belief system could take hold. But hierarchical beliefs – all kinds – OWN us.

This is why it is important to understand the difference between the “bliss” of the false spirituality and the deep, unmoveable, soft heart of true integration. Even this makes it sound complicated, but it is not. However, discernment is very important.

We have not integrated our inner reality enough. Again, sounds complicated. When did you last judge your partner, child, neighbor, sibling, mother/father? That is part of the inner reality I’m talking about and you experience it constantly. Start there.

Years ago, someone I trust said (emphatically) that the soul will complete its mission no matter what. I used to get all lofty and feel a sense of power about that. But that is ego. That is the false spirituality. Don’t you want true freedom? It is beyond all good and all not-good. It is not a sensation of bliss. On its journey to freedom, the soul might take you to your knees. That is true power. Does it feel like it? False spirituality/bliss will crumble like a house of cards if the soul turns up its volume. It will not feel good.

You are it. I’ve said it many times, but it’s not a power trip and we know almost nothing but power trips. But we can change that. We can release the fake. Who pissed you off today? Get still and ask the “judge your neighbor” worksheet questions in stillness. This is the power that does not feel like power, but is.

Resources

Shifting Further

Posted on by
2

There were many intentions, not all of which were conscious, behind my move to the Mesa. There was of course the rug pull by Soul. The life we had been living completely lost its foundation. We had to shift.

Lately I have been reviewing how we got to this particular place: the San Luis Valley in southern Colorado. I had forgotten some of the core motivations.

TMJ stuff. I needed to stay in Colorado because my TMJ specialist, Dr. Kennedy – possibly unique in all the world and yes, I back that up with a shitload of experience – practiced in Grand Junction, Colorado. I had to live within a five hour (max) drive of his office.

(He retired in 2023, so that condition no longer exists. But it was a core reason in 2021 when we were deciding where to relocate.)

My cats. My husband and I flirted with moving overseas before we got our first cat in 2008, but practically speaking, we didn’t see how we could do it. Once we got our first cat, Lili, chances were slimmer that we would move overseas.
My cats are like children to me. Once they are part of my family, I am committed to their happiness and well-being for the duration of their lives.
I was not interested in subjecting Lili to the inhumane treatment required for a move to another country, though I do recall looking at the move requirements for domestic animals for some countries even after we got her.

Maybe because just one cat remains of the three and he is 15 yrs old I am starting to open to the possibility of a broader move. It has brought many things to mind.

Until we here on Earth can do the equivalent of the Vulcan mind-meld that Mr. Spock did on the original “Star Trek” series, I’m not sure (almost) anyone will understand what the last five years of my life have really meant to me.
I do my best to articulate it in these blog posts, but they can only communicate so much. They can only communicate so well.

I came to this 36 acre parcel of land on a Mesa in southern Colorado, in part, for intensely practical reasons. But those reasons are so off the paradigm grid that I cannot speak of them as practical or much at all. I have touched upon them, I think, in some of my posts. What happened is prior to the move, my intuition flooded me – it had years earlier too – with images of liaising with what I will call my “star family.”

Yup, sounds crazy. However, this liaison would have covered all the practical bases. It would have solved certain problems I have had my whole life like finding a work system that actually works for me. It would have addressed other problems that have become more acute the last several years, namely having meaningful day-to-day community. There were also “healthcare” solutions with the star family that we do not have access to here on Earth (but which exist….here on Earth – if that confuses you, you can research “medbeds,” but only look at the credible YouTube sources – the med beds are just one, there are more).

It was shown to me how it would happen. And then….it did not happen. At all.

Anyone reading this is likely saying, “Duh. Coulda told you that.” But it has happened to others. Not that that has to be the criteria for “realism” – though it almost always is – but it has happened to others. Yes, I know it is rare and infrequent and sounds impossible, but it is possible. It does happen.

Okay, so for me it did not happen. I think it will one day, but it won’t be the solution to problems it would have been had it happened the last few years. It will likely be a fun, exhilarating reunion with old, dear friends.

Instead, for the last two and half years, I have been left living on the edges of the US system: economy, community, infrastructure.
Infrastructure includes: housing, water supply, food supply, transportation, heating. It is most of what we need to survive in our current human body.
It is also a collection of thoughts and beliefs. Any system is that.

So the practical part of why I moved here has not materialized and what I am left with is living in an area the culture terms “under-served.” What I have observed here is “under-served begets under-served.” Projects, businesses, ambitions do not flourish here. Some have tried to open businesses – nice ones – since I moved here, but they are failing.

I won’t go into all of it. Food, however, is a big problem. Even though I live in a rural area, there are no local farms that sell food. It is what the US calls a “food desert,” (that’s one “s” not two, like dessert, which would be great!). I have to drive roundtrip 3 hrs to get to a grocery store. There are no natural foods stores. The local per capita does not attract those kinds of stores: under-served begetting under-served.
Last year, one of my neighbors had a decent outdoor garden here on the Mesa. I have not started a garden. I might consider it. At the moment I do not have the basic infrastructure -fencing, beds for raised gardens – and while I love supporting other growers, I lack the experience and, sadly, the interest in growing food myself. Remember, I did not move here for this scenario, so I did not plan to become a homesteader (would be tough with no water) or to fix & build things or to have the basics of life be as difficult as are on any back country camping trip. I simply lack the proclivity and interest.

(Okay, this post is long, I will move the rest to a new post that follows).

Living Only in the Light

Posted on by
Reply

“I have only ever lived in the light,” he said. It sounds noble. It sounds right. But it’s only half the story and it won’t get you to completion in the universal journey.

Technically we live in a universe of light, but not the one-sided kind. The nature of our universe is like a sine wave: there is light on one side of the midline and there is shadow on the other. It is an integrated light. When our sun shines on an object, it casts a shadow. In this universe we are here to explore our shadow. It is a unique opportunity.

Another consideration is that “light” is highly manipulated on our planet. The “light of God?” Artificial. The light of the kundalini, the third eye, the chakras? All manipulated.

The real job here: integrate your shadow. When you (think you) live only in the light, you have judgment against those in whom you – unconsciously – see your own shadow. You become righteous. Combine that with the fact that you think you have cornered the “goodness market” with all your alleged light and you become righteous a.f.

This inner division, this disowning your shadow will keep you in artificial worlds. It will keep you owned by those that have created and sold you the “visions of light” ideology. You will be missing the opportunity to blend and complete your universal journey. It’s a big deal.

Wealthy, Shiny People

Posted on by
Reply

“There is a natural law of abundance which pervades the entire universe, but it will not flow through a doorway of belief in lack and limitation.” – Paul Zaiter

I used to believe this or maybe I used to try to believe it. Now I think it is complete rubbish. Total bullshit. I cannot count the number of people I know who have alot of money AND intense fear around money; the belief in lack and limitation mentioned in the quote. It almost seems like a belief in lack and limitation is a darn good prerequisite for attracting and holding a great deal of money.

What seems truer to me is this quote from Jung: “Until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate.”
And even more, this one: “One does not become enlightened by imagining futures of light, but by making the darkness visible.” But I would nix “enlightened,” and put in blended, integrated, unified.

Here’s the thing: not everyone has to do this. Blend their shadow. Make the fear known, conscious and integrated before enough or more than enough money shows up for them. The people I know who have abundant money and plenty of fear too (and I’m not talking about thieves and plunderers….don’t know any) do not have to do the hard inner work of integration before they acquire alot of money.
Though I had about a 10 year reprieve from the work and hardship of the path of needing-to-integrate-before-having, I seem to be called to this path whether I like it or not. This difference – some have to do the work, some do not – caused me confusion for years.

I seem so slow

Posted on by
Reply

There is no Shangri-la. Well, to be honest, I think there is, but it is not our destination as universal fractals. Our destination is not a destination as we understand it. It is within each of us and we are already there. It is not a swoony place like Shangri-la. Because of that it can be easy to miss. It is subtle and, like Dorothy discovered at that end of “The Wizard of Oz,” we are already home. We always have been.

Our minds have been deeply programmed to believe in hierarchies and ideologies, like Shangri-la. Bigger, better, out there, up there, reach & strive for, you’re not it – something else is. Hollywood has played a big part in the programming. We are always looking for bigger, better, out there, sexy, candy.

Years ago I was a participant in an online money mindset group coached by a 28 yr old woman named Laura. It was a humbling experience to be Laura’s student. I was in my 50’s at the time. It took me a minute to alter my mindset about age and wisdom (ha). Laura coached on shifting & releasing limiting inner thought-programs about money and having that shift materialize in the outer world. She understood something about the nature of money that I desperately wanted to understand, but could not quite grasp. The nature of money seemed so set in stone to me.

I felt like young Helen Keller in the movie, “The Miracle Worker,” I saw as a child. As many know, Helen Keller was deaf and blind. In the film, Helen’s teacher, Annie, tries to teach Helen sign language. She furiously makes signs into Helen’s hands hoping she will connect the strange hand movements to the real-world objects they represent, like water. Helen just doesn’t get it. Until… one day she does. By some grace she makes the electric connection that the weird hand movements are a language that Helen finally speaks.

When Coach Laura used to speak about her money insights I felt like Helen before she understood signing. It was just beyond my grasp. Lately, though, I’m starting to get it. It is dawning. It has been many years. I feel slow! It’s about life being a dream and choosing which thoughts, feelings and accompanying sensations we entertain. But first, we must confront the painful beliefs we think are real. As that emptying occurs, there is a freedom to choose. We can choose better stories about money or anything else.

This might sound like positive thinking or affirmations, but it is not. It is about emptying out the life-illusion and embracing the charged “bits” inside ourselves enough to see that this is a game and we are not bound by any memory, history, ideology or identity. Positive thinking can be a big defense mechanism. You have to know yourself well enough to discern how you are using it.

Up until the time we start to experience more choice, we live in ideologies, identities, memories and believe them, often wholeheartedly. Not a problem. If you believe something is real how can you also not believe it is real? It is an evolutionary process.

Two other wise women I work with know that our Universe is benevolent. It’s not a belief for them, it is something they know. I feel slow here too, but am starting to trust it. I still have my moments when I’m pretty dang sure the universe is out to get me, but there is more space around that lately too.

If it is true that the universe is friendly by nature, then I am free to accept alternative interpretations about life and life events. There have been alot of so-called negative life events the past few years, but that too is a point of view.

The Reckoning

Posted on by
Reply

A time of reckoning. What does that mean? Not sure. When I first thought about it I saw it as a confrontation, a showdown, like the gunfight at the OK Corral.

Yeah, it feels confrontational, but not in the way I thought and not in the way I expected and not in the way we are taught a showdown is. There’s fear, but no foe. Yes, there is fear, but no foe. I am so used to a foe.
I almost don’t know how to function without one. I definintely don’t know how to have a reckoning without one, even an inner one.
That is part of the challenge. No foe. No me, the fighter, having to boost self, blow up my self esteem, my energy and tackle the fucker.

Taking action. What is the action you need to take? You know what it is. How many layers of fearful denial cloud your knowing?

It’s the icky feelings, the sinking into remembering that cause the cloud. Something hurt. Something hurt me. I don’t even really remember all of it, but it is there. Always pulling me back. Always giving me reasons to stay safe and not, do not, let it happen again. I mean how stupid would I be to let it happen again?

As for not knowing: maybe there was another planet in this solar system at another time. Some have called the planet Tiamat. Some have called it Maldek. I think they are the same.
It was destroyed. It was blown up. I do remember being on the planet as the destruction was on its way. Was it a weapon? A weaponized asteroid? Don’t know. I saw myself standing on a street corner in a Roman-esque type robe talking to a friend. I know her in this life. It was a casual chat. And hell was about to rain down.

Some trusted people I know have said that this planet’s destruction is a big if not the core trauma behind the fears many of us have. How the fuck would I know that? We thought our souls, our spiritual core, would die. We still do.

The Dark Night

Posted on by
Reply

My life has been rough the last couple years. When I tell people about it – I don’t often – they usually don’t understand. “Why don’t you change it?” they ask. They don’t understand. That makes my life feel rougher.

Last weekend, I was talking to a friend about it. I said, “Sometimes the soul calls shots the ego does not like. The freedoms we normally experience aren’t there. We try, but things don’t happen, like as a way of life.”

My friend said the same thing another friend said in a similar conversation in November. “Maybe most people don’t experience that.”

It got me thinking a bit differently. First, I think some people do understand this subject, they are just not the ones crossing my path. There is a phenomena on the spiritual journey called “the dark night of the soul.” I can tell you for sure that the overwhelming majority of people do not accurately understand that process. Part of the reason for that is there is NO and I mean no societal reference point for it. When you experience it you are in the dark in more ways than one, including having no culture that understands it. Literally.

Thing is, everyone goes through it at some point as they complete their spiritual journey. Because of that, I have come to expect that people know what it is, that they have some kind of real-life reference point.

If they have experienced it maybe they regarded it “just” as a very difficult time? What I’m going through now is not the Dark Night. It has similarities, but it is not the same, though it sucks pretty much the same.
The Dark Night had distinct features. The inner life I had known to that point was gone. The “light” phenomena of consciousness – the way guidance occurred; the love exchange I had with what I then called God – was gone. In a way there was an energy that did present itself, but it was dark. Compared to the energy that was no longer there, it was blind.

Maybe I understand the Dark Night process more than others, but I think everyone should understand it to some degree. Am I wrong? They don’t seem to.

The Blend

Posted on by
Reply

How much do we want to be saved or just relieved?

I know I do. However, it is the unsexy work of what I call the “inner blend” that makes you able to go through the so-called “eye of the needle” and what we seek in our fantasies of saving and relief. Unsexy indeed.

Inner blend brings you to zero point. That is the transition point, but it is really no point at all.
It’s tough. To not have goals. But goals in this realm are ideologies and they end up distracting and – temporarily- blocking us. They are pleasant, they are bromides, but not ultimately useful.

What to do? Embrace those aspects of your self that feel too embarrassing, painful, bad and shameful. The ones you want to cast aside. The ones society & religion – both one big ideology – would tell you are bad and deserve to be cast aside. Those aspects they say need redemption and becoming “better than.”
All of that is internal splitting, division. Splitting is too big and discordant. It’s a big wave form. Big wave forms don’t get through the eye of the needle. Forget stories that say it is about material objects, like money, it is about aspects of self and how we relate to them.

Love collapses that wave form. The collapsed wave form is what descriptions like “the eye of the needle” and “zero point” seek to explain. Moving forward is about the quiet, subtle inner blend of all the aspects of self. The belligerent, the irritable, the greedy. Blend ’em. Blend them all.