When life falls apart (seems to) or things don’t go the way you wanted or expected, how do you react? Are you able to see beyond the narrative? The stories we internalized that filter how we see things. Perhaps one could call it the normative narrative. These stories & norms are everywhere and we have identified with them (as we were intensely taught to do: school, home, peer pressure, religion, media and more). Can you see beyond them? That is the gift, the great opportunity in the things falling apart experience.
In my case I’m breaking the norms (primarily) with my way of life, how I am living my day to day life. While I sometimes talk about it as something heroic (don’t get me wrong, it feels pretty frickin heroic), the fact is, I do not experience a choice in it. It is my soul’s call. Everything in life is our soul’s call, but sometimes we get to live our life in ways that comport or agree more with our ego structures, norms and our likes. But the soul is the puppeteer. It pulls the strings.
When the soul decides to turn up the volume – intensify for growth, wisdom – you will know it, because things tend to fall apart. It is not the only way the soul teaches, but it is a way that frequently happens. Can you see this happening when things fall apart?
I often feel like I’m the only one who sees this. It’s lonely.
Worship. Where does it come from? It comes from the god story. It is a control mechanism designed by the priestly caste to give them the energy they feed on. We send forth energy when we worship. Worship seems very pure to those who do it, but it is actually tainted with fear. Why would you worship if you did not fear?
Worship is a control mechanism. It starts with the belief that we, humanity, are less-than or lacking. This is the keystone of the god story: god is the creator of all that is and we are, at best, its child. Definitely less than. Then the story sprinkles in “born of sin” – screwed from the get-go – adds a generous serving of heaven and hell and we end up scared of our own shadow (literally). It trains us to seek power outside ourselves. That is the real power play of the god story and the hologram of the gods.
It is the ultimate consumerism. The narrative tells you that what you want is, de facto, outside yourself and worship is the currency you must pay to (try to) buy it back. All worship – celebs, kings, gods, Beyonce – stems from that lie. (o.k., not cat worship, because that is based on absolute truth!).
You are it. You really are. It is built into you just because you are human. You must give up the religious and hierarchical ideologies and the worship. It will take courage. It is time.
I almost titled the first part of this blog, “The Value of No-Escape.” Yes, I think there is value, hence the blogs, but there is more than just value to the rug-pull and the no-escape life (see Pt 1 for explanation of no-harm): they are are advantages. Distinct advantages.
If your job in this life is to face your shadow side and integrate it, there is nothing like (allegedly) having many of your choices taken away to accelerate that process. Again, I don’t mean anything harmful or being held victim/prisoner by other human(s).
Does it feel good? Hell, no. While I am a very big fan of feeling good, sometimes that isn’t the most important thing. Sometimes you have to take a big ole bite of spiritual work and it just doesn’t feel good.
Invariably – I’ve mentioned this before – when I have told people of the discomfort with my current way of life, they say, “Why don’t you move?” That kind of disconnect pisses me off, but lately it is starting to seem funny. I don’t want to waste time on this silliness, but I’ll state the obvious: “I’m a grown woman. I know what the alleged options are.” For some reason these people think that thought has not occurred to me.
We’re programmed…..I’m going to finish that sentence, but for a moment I want to let it stand as is: we are programmed. In every conceivable way. (More silliness out there when people think they are not mind-controlled). So, when/if I tell people I’m feeling uncomfortable – I’m really just trying to communicate honestly – most tend to insert my info into one manipulated perceptual filter or another. Usually just the one. Why don’t I move? (uh, don’t have the resources to do that). Oh, you must be down on your luck. (where did you get those words? do you have the slightest idea?). You get the gist.
The perceptual filter or maybe the intuitive knowing that does not seem to arise is: “Dang, girl. You’re in a rug-pull, no-escape accelerated stage of fractal compression and integration. That’s brave. Good on ya!”
That would be nice.
To be fair, some lovely people I know DO get that. It is a comfort.
Lots more to say and I will, but I think I’ll keep publishing along the way. Otherwise, there will be massive verbiage all in one place.
For my purposes, a fractal is a compressed version of every life expression you’ve ever experienced in this universe. The “you” I’m referring to is your infinite soul or infinite being, whichever term you prefer. There are millions of expressions your soul has had in this universe. Maybe even billions. Not just a few. Fractals may have other meanings in other contexts, but the one I refer to is a compression of all the soul’s universal expressions in this body right now in this lifetime.
Our “fractality” is not literal in the physical sense, meaning we don’t physically display all these life expressions – that would be wild! – but inside ourselves, essentially, we embody all those life expressions. That is why there is so much density here on Earth. If you embody all your incarnational experiences in one form it is dense and kinda crowded. This density is not “dense” like being dumb and lowly, which is the pervasive meme or mind-control thought about it. This perception – that we are dense, lowly and in need of raising our frequency/vibration to be “better” -is stronger than you think. It controlled me in subtle ways for eaons until recently.
This distinction, between knowing we are fractals wholly complete and infinite in essence vs. thinking we are incomplete, children of a creator in need of saving, “higher’ guidance, and ever-elusive completeness is vitally important. It has changed my life. I think it can change yours.
This applies to more than money, but let’s focus on money. It has taken me ages to grasp that the behavior most people have around money stems from fear. The fear can have certain flavors – insecurity, greed, worry, compulsion, anger, stinginess – but I am discovering that the core driver of all these states is fear.
There are a million, billion justifications for this fear. I get it. I get how scary this subject feels. But none of the justifications are real. If you still your mind and question just one of the many beliefs you have about money, anchored in a (very) specific situation in your life, you will find that the issue is fear, not the money.
We think, “No! It is true. Look how much money I lost. Look how much other people have. Look how much I don’t have. What if I lose it all like ______? What if I end up on the streets?!!” Yup. The ego is a trickster. On the issue of money, it will give you very real-seeming, terrifying scenarios. It will give you them in your mind’s eye over and over and over. Then you’ll hear more of the same on media. Then your spouse will echo them. Then your community. It all seems so real.
I grew up in what I describe as a Fear-Around-Money bootcamp. My home, my community. The conditioning was so intense. It seemed like everyone around me voiced the same beliefs and acted out the same behaviors, more or less. All were saturated with fear. Again, to one degree or another. My family was particularly fearful. Still, it can seem complicated because fear is what the society calls “common sense.”
It is still a fact in this world – for however long – that money or something of value to the buyer is what gets you necessities. Even if you live in the wilderness, as I do, unless you have free year-round food, water and heat, you still would need to be in perfect health your whole life and have no interests in anything that cost money to live something close to an effective money-free life. I could talk for hours about my thoughts on that subject, but the point for now is what is the consciousness you have towards money?
It is easy, easy, easy, easy to fool yourself. You have to have great courage and a willingness to face some icky, jagged, vulnerable-feeling states of mind and emotion without projecting them (onto other people, onto money, onto society) to uncover how you really regard it. You will face your true beliefs about what powers your life (hint: it is not God). You will question the nature of this Universe.
Is that true? I suspect it is. God is an entity in a matrix. The god matrix. It is not the creator of all that is; it is not even the creator of this Universe. It did not create me. It is an entity on a massive cosmo-ego trip. And through its priestly caste of the ages and by their infiltration of most cultures on earth regardless of the nature of each religion and its unique insistence on obedience and worship, it has enslaved the minds and hearts of countless humans by manipulating our desire to love.
Lord have mercy. I am working on an old iMac and it is so slow I want to pull my hair out. There is a widespread machine failure, dysfunction going on in my life. My laptop dying last Fall was part of that wave. That wave has been active for over a year now. Wow. God love my friend Susan for giving me her 2103 iMac so I could type on something, but bless it, it is slow. What does this ongoing wave of machine failure mean?
To be honest, I do not know with any certainty. I must admit, recently, after the brand new solar system completely failed and died, for a moment I felt like I was being targeted, like energetically, but that passed. I must stay out of that kind of thinking. It is useless and puts me in twisted “inner” territory. Mostly I feel abandoned by God and snubbed by my soul. Since I see my soul as the causal factor in my life, feeling snubbed by it is a problem. There are so many crazymaking aspects to this time in my life, feeling at odds or victimized by my soul is just one of them. It’s not as serious as it sounds meaning I do ultimately trust my soul, but I am leary of its messaging at the moment. (Ha).
I have alot to say today after having little for months. I will probably break it up into different posts. I will (try to) go back to some of the challenges of this in-between time. The time between worlds.
Machines are breaking. As I’ve said in many posts, everything on this planet, in our world will change down to the last blade of grass. When I first heard my teacher say that it hit home because I knew it. I knew it intuitively, with all my cells. It is the truth within me. The “what” of what will change has been a 50 yr educational process with some of the more difficult, sickening details of it only becoming clear or clearer the last 3-4 years. That’s where the bad fiction comes in. Thirty years ago I wrote: “This world is all fiction. Unfortunately it is bad fiction.” If you are going to create a world of duality and form, why not make it a pleasant world. Just like if you are going to write a story, why not make it a happy one? Especially when that story is a reality people live in. Yes, duality can suck, but it doesn’t have to suck the way it does in our world at the moment.
OK back to the dying machines. Everything will change, so machines will change too. My intuition tells me none of the machines we currently use will exist in the ascended Earth. It is a completely different field of consciousness, physics and form (hallelujah). So as this world dismantles, things will start to not work or maybe disappear…or both!
How much of my current life is a product of the dismantling of this existing reality? Not sure. If it were up to me we’d move quickly and smoothly from one dimensional world to the next, but instead there is this insanely long in-between time going on. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things it is merciful, but to me it is not. So there is this long in-between time when you …I’ll speak for myself here, when I have to live in this world when I’m beyond (!) ready for the 5D one, but I still depend on the current world’s machines, economy, infrastructure, vehicles, much of which have been failing. The worst of it is that it feels scary. And yes, I admit that if I boil down that fear it is not only a fear of death or disability, but even, as I heard someone say recently, the soul fearing its own annihilation. I didn’t know souls did that, but I trust the source and I know that the worst of what I’m feeling when things fall apart is a kind of terror.
Inner Tools™ Blog: Times of Intense Rapid Shifts 