How Do You React When Things Fall Apart?

When life falls apart (seems to) or things don’t go the way you wanted or expected, how do you react? Are you able to see beyond the narrative? The stories we internalized that filter how we see things. Perhaps one could call it the normative narrative. These stories & norms are everywhere and we have identified with them (as we were intensely taught to do: school, home, peer pressure, religion, media and more). Can you see beyond them? That is the gift, the great opportunity in the things falling apart experience.

In my case I’m breaking the norms (primarily) with my way of life, how I am living my day to day life. While I sometimes talk about it as something heroic (don’t get me wrong, it feels pretty frickin heroic), the fact is, I do not experience a choice in it. It is my soul’s call. Everything in life is our soul’s call, but sometimes we get to live our life in ways that comport or agree more with our ego structures, norms and our likes. But the soul is the puppeteer. It pulls the strings.

When the soul decides to turn up the volume – intensify for growth, wisdom – you will know it, because things tend to fall apart. It is not the only way the soul teaches, but it is a way that frequently happens. Can you see this happening when things fall apart?

I often feel like I’m the only one who sees this. It’s lonely.

The Light You Need

We are built for the sun. The rising sun has frequencies that signal processes in our bodies that are vital for our health.

The screens we look at and the LED lights that are now everywhere emit a narrow blue spectrum of light that causes imbalance. I’m including a link to a video by the doctor who has pioneered this science.

The science is complex, but the remedy is simple: be like the sphinx. Face east in the morning. Let the sunlight get into your eyes and, if it is warm enough, onto as much of your skin as possible. Make contact with the earth with your feet and any other extremities, if possible (gardening, rock climbing, lying on the sand or grass).

Wear blue-light blocking glasses when looking at screens and when in LED light.

There are more things to do, but these are the basics. Getting out in the sun is the most important.

It is also important spiritually. Sunlight feeds our mitochondria which connect us to the Christ Sophia of our planet. The Christ Sophia is not in any way religious. I am still learning, conceptually what this energy/frequency is. I don’t have concepts yet, but will write them when I do.

One More Time For the Cheap Seats: The Advantage of the No-Escape Life

The advantage (that feels like a total disadvantage) of the no-escape life is, well, if you feel imprisoned or stuck, you cannot rely on behaviors or even thought-constructs you may have used in the past to look away from certain beliefs and feelings you hold. At least not in the same way. I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t feel good to me.

But it’s not always about feeling good.

This fact will bring up a host of reactions. You will face them because you cannot escape the situation. Not only will you look at the reactions you are experiencing, but it will serve you to look at how you are perceiving the situation itself.

For me the issue of money, earning, worth and creating have been sticky ones. Here in my life of little distraction (I still try!) are some of the underlying issues I’ve noticed feel constricting on these issues:

  1. Feeling like a slave.
    A slave to the good opinion of others. (huge)
    A slave to:
    – work trends
    – what is considered good business
    – what is considered real
    – what is considered worthy, authoritative
    – what has “real” substance
    – what is considered crazy or sane
    – who deserves to be paid well and who doesn’t
    – what I have to do or not do to be paid well

    The list goes on with that one.

Some of the others are: navigating different-ness; sensitivity; self-worth; the right to be; the right to speak; fear of visibility. That is what I’ve noticed just on that one subject.

These issues are both cultural (in the largest sense) and personal. Or they seem personal. Part of the alchemy process is looking at the sense of how personal the “issues” feel. That is an important part of blending them back into center, zero point and moving beyond.

Your job, should you choose to accept it ;^) – is to become aware of both aspects: the larger cultural one, by which I mean the imposition by other cultures into our thought, spiritual and physical realm and the personal.
The cultural impositions play a huge role. Part of this control system has resulted in humanity as a collective, not knowing or acknowledging there are other cultures who live off-planet and interdimensionally. Nor do we understand the profound role they have played and continue to play in our lives and experience of reality. So much easier to control a species when part of how you do it is deny your very existence. It is hard to believe something is influencing you that doesn’t exist.

You might think this is crazy talk that has nothing to do with you. You’re wrong.

The control system encompasses almost everything about reality except your heart-soul essence or your is-ness, however you term it. The no-escape life gives you the opportunity to become aware of these influences more quickly and to see what part of this mix you feel most identified with, as in: triggered; attached to; repulsed by; intensely wanting of; defining your self-worth by or even what you value. It is the is-ness, the “immediacy” within to which you bring all the attachments of concept, memory, identity.
(It is not god. If you are bringing this inner material to god, you are not exiting the matrix. You are looping back into the control/containment sphere.)

The no-escape life, especially if it is lived in a remote area like mine, gives you the quietude and lack of distraction (arghh) to see this inner material more clearly. This is truly the first step to dissolving it. It gives you an accelerated opportunity to blend the positive & negative, dissolve it and move more intensely inward to the unified field. That is true freedom. This is why it is an advantage. This is the path to completing your soul’s journey in this universe. It is the reason you are here.

More Advantage of No-Escape

I almost titled the first part of this blog, “The Value of No-Escape.” Yes, I think there is value, hence the blogs, but there is more than just value to the rug-pull and the no-escape life (see Pt 1 for explanation of no-harm): they are are advantages. Distinct advantages.

If your job in this life is to face your shadow side and integrate it, there is nothing like (allegedly) having many of your choices taken away to accelerate that process. Again, I don’t mean anything harmful or being held victim/prisoner by other human(s).

Does it feel good? Hell, no. While I am a very big fan of feeling good, sometimes that isn’t the most important thing. Sometimes you have to take a big ole bite of spiritual work and it just doesn’t feel good.

Invariably – I’ve mentioned this before – when I have told people of the discomfort with my current way of life, they say, “Why don’t you move?” That kind of disconnect pisses me off, but lately it is starting to seem funny. I don’t want to waste time on this silliness, but I’ll state the obvious: “I’m a grown woman. I know what the alleged options are.” For some reason these people think that thought has not occurred to me.

We’re programmed…..I’m going to finish that sentence, but for a moment I want to let it stand as is: we are programmed. In every conceivable way. (More silliness out there when people think they are not mind-controlled). So, when/if I tell people I’m feeling uncomfortable – I’m really just trying to communicate honestly – most tend to insert my info into one manipulated perceptual filter or another. Usually just the one. Why don’t I move? (uh, don’t have the resources to do that). Oh, you must be down on your luck. (where did you get those words? do you have the slightest idea?). You get the gist.

The perceptual filter or maybe the intuitive knowing that does not seem to arise is: “Dang, girl. You’re in a rug-pull, no-escape accelerated stage of fractal compression and integration. That’s brave. Good on ya!”

That would be nice.

To be fair, some lovely people I know DO get that. It is a comfort.

Lots more to say and I will, but I think I’ll keep publishing along the way. Otherwise, there will be massive verbiage all in one place.

Shifting Further

There were many intentions, not all of which were conscious, behind my move to the Mesa. There was of course the rug pull by Soul. The life we had been living completely lost its foundation. We had to shift.

Lately I have been reviewing how we got to this particular place: the San Luis Valley in southern Colorado. I had forgotten some of the core motivations.

TMJ stuff. I needed to stay in Colorado because my TMJ specialist, Dr. Kennedy – possibly unique in all the world and yes, I back that up with a shitload of experience – practiced in Grand Junction, Colorado. I had to live within a five hour (max) drive of his office.

(He retired in 2023, so that condition no longer exists. But it was a core reason in 2021 when we were deciding where to relocate.)

My cats. My husband and I flirted with moving overseas before we got our first cat in 2008, but practically speaking, we didn’t see how we could do it. Once we got our first cat, Lili, chances were slimmer that we would move overseas.
My cats are like children to me. Once they are part of my family, I am committed to their happiness and well-being for the duration of their lives.
I was not interested in subjecting Lili to the inhumane treatment required for a move to another country, though I do recall looking at the move requirements for domestic animals for some countries even after we got her.

Maybe because just one cat remains of the three and he is 15 yrs old I am starting to open to the possibility of a broader move. It has brought many things to mind.

Until we here on Earth can do the equivalent of the Vulcan mind-meld that Mr. Spock did on the original “Star Trek” series, I’m not sure (almost) anyone will understand what the last five years of my life have really meant to me.
I do my best to articulate it in these blog posts, but they can only communicate so much. They can only communicate so well.

I came to this 36 acre parcel of land on a Mesa in southern Colorado, in part, for intensely practical reasons. But those reasons are so off the paradigm grid that I cannot speak of them as practical or much at all. I have touched upon them, I think, in some of my posts. What happened is prior to the move, my intuition flooded me – it had years earlier too – with images of liaising with what I will call my “star family.”

Yup, sounds crazy. However, this liaison would have covered all the practical bases. It would have solved certain problems I have had my whole life like finding a work system that actually works for me. It would have addressed other problems that have become more acute the last several years, namely having meaningful day-to-day community. There were also “healthcare” solutions with the star family that we do not have access to here on Earth (but which exist….here on Earth – if that confuses you, you can research “medbeds,” but only look at the credible YouTube sources – the med beds are just one, there are more).

It was shown to me how it would happen. And then….it did not happen. At all.

Anyone reading this is likely saying, “Duh. Coulda told you that.” But it has happened to others. Not that that has to be the criteria for “realism” – though it almost always is – but it has happened to others. Yes, I know it is rare and infrequent and sounds impossible, but it is possible. It does happen.

Okay, so for me it did not happen. I think it will one day, but it won’t be the solution to problems it would have been had it happened the last few years. It will likely be a fun, exhilarating reunion with old, dear friends.

Instead, for the last two and half years, I have been left living on the edges of the US system: economy, community, infrastructure.
Infrastructure includes: housing, water supply, food supply, transportation, heating. It is most of what we need to survive in our current human body.
It is also a collection of thoughts and beliefs. Any system is that.

So the practical part of why I moved here has not materialized and what I am left with is living in an area the culture terms “under-served.” What I have observed here is “under-served begets under-served.” Projects, businesses, ambitions do not flourish here. Some have tried to open businesses – nice ones – since I moved here, but they are failing.

I won’t go into all of it. Food, however, is a big problem. Even though I live in a rural area, there are no local farms that sell food. It is what the US calls a “food desert,” (that’s one “s” not two, like dessert, which would be great!). I have to drive roundtrip 3 hrs to get to a grocery store. There are no natural foods stores. The local per capita does not attract those kinds of stores: under-served begetting under-served.
Last year, one of my neighbors had a decent outdoor garden here on the Mesa. I have not started a garden. I might consider it. At the moment I do not have the basic infrastructure -fencing, beds for raised gardens – and while I love supporting other growers, I lack the experience and, sadly, the interest in growing food myself. Remember, I did not move here for this scenario, so I did not plan to become a homesteader (would be tough with no water) or to fix & build things or to have the basics of life be as difficult as are on any back country camping trip. I simply lack the proclivity and interest.

(Okay, this post is long, I will move the rest to a new post that follows).

Living Only in the Light

“I have only ever lived in the light,” he said. It sounds noble. It sounds right. But it’s only half the story and it won’t get you to completion in the universal journey.

Technically we live in a universe of light, but not the one-sided kind. The nature of our universe is like a sine wave: there is light on one side of the midline and there is shadow on the other. It is an integrated light. When our sun shines on an object, it casts a shadow. In this universe we are here to explore our shadow. It is a unique opportunity.

Another consideration is that “light” is highly manipulated on our planet. The “light of God?” Artificial. The light of the kundalini, the third eye, the chakras? All manipulated.

The real job here: integrate your shadow. When you (think you) live only in the light, you have judgment against those in whom you – unconsciously – see your own shadow. You become righteous. Combine that with the fact that you think you have cornered the “goodness market” with all your alleged light and you become righteous a.f.

This inner division, this disowning your shadow will keep you in artificial worlds. It will keep you owned by those that have created and sold you the “visions of light” ideology. You will be missing the opportunity to blend and complete your universal journey. It’s a big deal.

What is a Fractal Human?

For my purposes, a fractal is a compressed version of every life expression you’ve ever experienced in this universe. The “you” I’m referring to is your infinite soul or infinite being, whichever term you prefer. There are millions of expressions your soul has had in this universe. Maybe even billions. Not just a few. Fractals may have other meanings in other contexts, but the one I refer to is a compression of all the soul’s universal expressions in this body right now in this lifetime.

Our “fractality” is not literal in the physical sense, meaning we don’t physically display all these life expressions – that would be wild! – but inside ourselves, essentially, we embody all those life expressions.
That is why there is so much density here on Earth. If you embody all your incarnational experiences in one form it is dense and kinda crowded. This density is not “dense” like being dumb and lowly, which is the pervasive meme or mind-control thought about it. This perception – that we are dense, lowly and in need of raising our frequency/vibration to be “better” -is stronger than you think. It controlled me in subtle ways for eaons until recently.

This distinction, between knowing we are fractals wholly complete and infinite in essence vs. thinking we are incomplete, children of a creator in need of saving, “higher’ guidance, and ever-elusive completeness is vitally important.
It has changed my life. I think it can change yours.

Fractal Compression (Can’t We Avoid This?)

As universal fractals about to graduate we will go through compression. That is how the fractal process works. Like coal becoming a diamond, except we were always diamond, we just have “played” coal.

The compression process looks different for different people, but you kinda know it when you are in it. Actually you may not know what it is, but you will know it feels sucky. If definitely sucks.

What the compression process is, is blending all your inner aspects. You are looking at every fear-infused nook and cranny within yourself. As I said in my blog post about money much of what passes for normal or even the “good life” in our world is often fear-based. Y’gotta look that gnarly stuff in the eye. But you have to do it in real life, by living your life. If it’s just something you do in your mind or energetically, it is not compression.

Once you confront the tough stuff internally you can blend it, integrate it. You…we… will move into the unknown. And the way better.

What is coming on Earth is not a better version of what the matrix tells you is the “good life” or what you have known before. It is something altogether different. During compression you know (all too well) what you have lost or left behind, but you don’t know what you’re going to. That is a big part of what makes it feel crummy.

The Reckoning

A time of reckoning. What does that mean? Not sure. When I first thought about it I saw it as a confrontation, a showdown, like the gunfight at the OK Corral.

Yeah, it feels confrontational, but not in the way I thought and not in the way I expected and not in the way we are taught a showdown is. There’s fear, but no foe. Yes, there is fear, but no foe. I am so used to a foe.
I almost don’t know how to function without one. I definintely don’t know how to have a reckoning without one, even an inner one.
That is part of the challenge. No foe. No me, the fighter, having to boost self, blow up my self esteem, my energy and tackle the fucker.

Taking action. What is the action you need to take? You know what it is. How many layers of fearful denial cloud your knowing?

It’s the icky feelings, the sinking into remembering that cause the cloud. Something hurt. Something hurt me. I don’t even really remember all of it, but it is there. Always pulling me back. Always giving me reasons to stay safe and not, do not, let it happen again. I mean how stupid would I be to let it happen again?

As for not knowing: maybe there was another planet in this solar system at another time. Some have called the planet Tiamat. Some have called it Maldek. I think they are the same.
It was destroyed. It was blown up. I do remember being on the planet as the destruction was on its way. Was it a weapon? A weaponized asteroid? Don’t know. I saw myself standing on a street corner in a Roman-esque type robe talking to a friend. I know her in this life. It was a casual chat. And hell was about to rain down.

Some trusted people I know have said that this planet’s destruction is a big if not the core trauma behind the fears many of us have. How the fuck would I know that? We thought our souls, our spiritual core, would die. We still do.

God is the Most Centralized of All

Is that true? I suspect it is. God is an entity in a matrix. The god matrix. It is not the creator of all that is; it is not even the creator of this Universe. It did not create me. It is an entity on a massive cosmo-ego trip. And through its priestly caste of the ages and by their infiltration of most cultures on earth regardless of the nature of each religion and its unique insistence on obedience and worship, it has enslaved the minds and hearts of countless humans by manipulating our desire to love.